Fantasy Journal - 3 Weeks in the Books

So we are 3 weeks into the NFL and (more importantly in some eyes) the fantasy season. Some might feel ineligible for the playoffs with an 0-3 record (as Sam Jackson would say, "Not me!"). Others are dealing with injuries and/or under performance of top draft picks (officially never drafting Ryan Grant, ever!). All are trying to fix issues, whatever they are. No matter the record, there is always a position that can be amended.

So for the amusement of others (and to let out my fantasy rage) here is how I am doing with my leagues.

ESPN League - Fags On Football (12 team)

• Record - 1-2
• Issues - Oh where to begin with this crapfest of a team. Ryan Grant's ankle kills me, LT's reemergence as...LT destroys my second draft pick in Shonn Greene and Jay Cutler is my starting QB (inconsistency). Cutler leads the league in called back interceptions (5 last Monday...wait he just threw another 1) and I lead my league in lack of scoring. I put up over 100 the first week but could only muster 41 this past week. My WR's haven't been performing (really Colston! NO TD'S! SERIOUSLY?!?! YOU PLAY FOR THE SAINTS! Even David Thomas has a TD!).
• Reasons to have hope - Luckily I drafted decently in later rounds picking up Matt Forte and Thomas Jones. So at RB I think Jones may be my savior (as opposed to Jamaal Charles owners, who look at Jones as Judas) but my major issue comes at WR. Ochocinco blew up in week 1 but since has only led the league in tweets. Colston is allergic to the goalline this season as Brees has thrown to everyone else in this juggernaut of an offense. Luckily Johnny Knox is looking like a genius pickup in the later rounds as he is the clear deep threat in the Bears offense. One issue I left out above is my lack of performance from the TE position. Having Vick under center has hurt Brent Celek owners who were looking forward to a decent season with a Kolb Konnection for double digit TDs. That is not going to happen with Vick out there. I recently acquired Aaron Hernandez from the waiver wire. He leads the league in hype from fantasy "experts" and targets. While he may be without a TD he gets yards and has soft matchups against TE friendly defenses coming up. Like this Monday against Miami who made Dustin Keller look like Antonio Gates. This is the same Keller who still has no idea where the first down marker was after Ray Lewis jacked him up on the previous third down play. Also no one is really walking away with this league. The only one getting crushed...is me.
• Talking trade - I haven't done a decent trade midseason since my championship season on CBS's website (which apparently, no one in that league remembers). I traded for Larry Johnson (when he was still good) and he crushed everyone (everything) in my way. This time I am looking at trading my free agent pickup of Mike Tolbert. San Diego's goalline bloodhound is poaching carries from a struggling Ryan Mathews. So any value I can get from a bye week filler is good. Especially when you consider the Seahawks D, a totally different monster at home, and the fact that I would then own Leon Washington's return value. We each would be taking a chance but I need a D for my bye week, in a 12 team league it's slim pickings.

Yahoo! League - CBS Will Always Suck (10 team friends and family)

• Record - 2-0-1 (first place...first plaaaaaaaaaa-uh-uh-ace, ahead on points)
• Issues - This fun bunch has really underperformed when it comes to defense and RBs. Mostly because of my man crush on Ray Rice which has gotten me 21 points (7 pt avg) and no TDs. Not a good number from a first draft pick. Add to that he has gotten banged up the past two games (knee and ankle) and the sum is one worried fantasy owner. Other under performers are Knowshon Moreno who has been out with a hamstring injury but other than that has been great (that was until Maroney was picked up). While Felix Jones has done absolutely nothing. The Cowboys rushing offense has looked terrible and Jones has only mustered 8 total points through 3 weeks. Fail Jones! Speaking of those 'Boys, I dropped their defense after they looked awful against the 'Skins and Bears. How can you not get a turnover off Jay Cutler in your own house! Then they looked great against the juggernaut known as the Houston Texans. I will pick them back up as they are the type of defense that could get on a hot streak later in the year.
• Reasons I am Number 1 - I am currently riding the Michael Vick experience and it has been pretty awesome. 87 pts (750 yds passing, 6 TDs ; 170 rush yds, TD) has been great. Considering he outperformed Peyton Manning this week, I couldn't be happier. Speaking of week 3, WE FLY HIGH....BOLDIN! It was definitely the Wright decision to stick with him. Eric Wright, you are my MVP for not covering him at all in that game. Good work son! Speaking of avoiding coverage, Antonio Gates has been great as well. He can blow up at any moment and when he isn't scoring TDs he always manages to get yardage. That's more than most can say for their WR/TE flex position.
• Trade bait... - Speaking of Gates, I am not saying I WANT to trade him. However if the right offer came along I might part with him. He has injury issues and with my luck this season (read above ESPN league rage) I feel like he is due. I would want top tier position talent for him, no doubt. He is after all, #1 at his position.

Yahoo! League - Battle for Awesomeness (12 team)

• Record - 2-1 (5th, 205 pts, 198 PA)
• Issues - Ray Rice strikes again. Read above rage about that. Inconsistent QB play (Kolb injury didn't help, wasn't quick enough on Vick in this league) from Carson Palmer who has only 38 pts (29 in week 1...on my bench) and my recent acquisition of Josh Freeman (49 pts, sat last week because of Pitt D) hasn't helped in my past 2 weeks of wins. My other top RB is Jamaal Charles (mentioned above in ESPN rage) who I now get to rage about Thomas Jones. Todd Haley (Chiefs Head Coach) clearly is protecting Charles from being Larry Johnson which is okay. As long as they keep winning and play in the AFC West, Charles will get yards and hopefully long TDs. Jones is great, inside the 20's.
• Reasons to look forward to the playoffs - Austin Collie, while on my bench for his best game, has been looking great. Luckily Pierre Garcon hasn't been able to catch a cold and Anthony Gonzalez is injured...again. Hooray for me! The WR core I have here is pretty solid with Desean Jackson in there as well. Jackson is always great for a big play and considering in this league return points are awarded to a player and NOT team defense there is a reason to think he could find the end zone each week. Speaking of return points, CJ Spiller FINALLY has shown up in the fantasy world. Exploding last week with a return TD and a reception TD he totaled 20 points (YAY!) on my bench (BOO!)
• Trade bait... - Honestly Rice is one I would trade for the right talent. Rice has a great upside. Mainly because he has no where to go but up. With Charles on his bye week and Moreno being solid when he plays I may be able to pass Rice off to a needy team (that is obsessed with him). So if someone is reading this and wants to offer me a decent back or receiver, I am open to trade talks.

So there you have it. Fantasy rage/gloating complete. For now. Want to mock me? Tell me how awesome I am? Suggest a player that could help me? Ask for advice? Insult my ability to end all my blogs with a bunch of questions? Want to leave a comment? Gopher it!

Tuesday Fantasy Yuckfest - 9/14/10 Edition

Whether you want to admit it or not, some of you have already begun dumping players. Thinking some were a bad idea. Hitting the panic button. We are all people and I feel your pain.



This may become a weekly thing where I poke fun at fantasy blunders from the week.



I Want to Punch Myself in the Face for... (additions in bold)

• Having Kevin Kolb and Carson Palmer in two of my leagues and opting to not start Palmer in both games. Palmer would have won me the game and saved me a headache. Speaking of headache, Kolb suffered a concussion in the first quarter (fourth play?) of the game Sunday. Which also effected Desean Jackson's production although Michael Vick was running everywhere (103 yards rushing in the game), that didn't help me this week.


• Making an excellent sleeper pick that I thought could be filler and left him on my bench in week 1. If this is true than Hakeem Nicks(for me it was Knowshon Moreno) was on your bench. Which means you and a buddy of mine in our ESPN league have something in common. Hopefully your team put up more than 28 points though. Just the worst display of fantasy football play ever to only get 28 points. Speaking of a sleeper pick.
• Being able to say this, "Arian Foster alone beat me." I can't say it but if you can, you are not happy right now. While we are on the subject. (added 9/15/10)
• Not drafting Arian Foster. I mean, he wasn't off my radar. Nor was he drafted that late. He looked to be a great later round pickup, honestly though. How often will the Texans run the ball that much? Why do I have a feeling that this question will bite me back later?


• Tying. Seriously Rivers, 4 opportunities and Gates couldn't get 1 ball thrown his way?!? I mean what are you trying to prove? I don't care that he was triple covered, throw him the ball. He's Antonio Gates! You play to win the game!


• Losing to someone who started Santonio Holmes. This was even after I told her he wouldn't do anything. Hello! He's suspended. Unfortunately, Kolb's concussion killed me. Along with well...you know. Sitting Palmer!


• Talking up Ryan Grant. Who apparently has a "significant ankle injury." Great. Just wonderful. Grant looks to be a candidate for my banned from roster list. Which leads me to my next point.


• Not picking up Brandon Jackson immediately when Grant went down. I have Grant in two leagues and attempted to pick him up in my ESPN league (won't know until Weds. if I got him off waivers). He was already gone in my Yahoo! league.

I'm sure there are more out there. Give me your reason for displays of violence against yourself or others. Did you just want to destroy something beautiful? Or want to punch someone who talks so much smack about their championship(s). Let me hear about it!

Fantasy Journal - OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

The fantasy football season starts, TOMORROW! Did your head explode? Mine did. For the past 2 weeks all I've my chronic ESPN and Yahoo following has come to my teams being drafted. Starting lineups prepped, prepped, and prepped again. However, readers of my blog are so far behind. I had two drafts and haven't even bragged/complained about my team yet!



My two Yahoo! drafts went better than expected. Not only was my 12 team league faster than the 10 team in draft time (shocking!) and my teams might not suck! So instead of analyzing all my picks I will tell my position in each draft and who I selected. Each league has a roster as follows:



QB, RB, RB, WR, WR, RB/WR, WR/TE, Defense, Kicker



The first being the 12 team league early Sunday afternoon. A league in which I finished out of the playoffs last season, hello early draft position this season!





League Name - Battle For Awesomeness
Team Name - The Junk Punters



(because a kick to your crotch feels so top notch!) go to the link to get the reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3vglZCRMbyQ



This season I decided to show my loyalty and my love towards my first pick. With the second pick I snagged Ray Rice, over Captain Fumblitis Mr. Adrian Peterson. Rice killed it for me last year in my ESPN league so I couldn't deny him a spot on my roster. So after him my draft looked like this, pick number in parentheses. Desean Jackson (23), Jamaal Charles (26), Dallas Clark (47) , Kevin Kolb (50), Malcolm Floyd (71), Felix Jones (74), Philadelphia D (95), C.J. Spiller (98), Carson Palmer (119), Lee Evans (122) , Darren Sproles (143), Austin Collie (146), Fred Taylor (167) and Robbie Gould (170). All in all this looks like the best team I have ever had in this league. At least right now they lead the league in high hopes. Kolb is a bit of a risky pick but I wanted at least one QB/WR connection.

Monday 9/13/10 Update:

• Hey, guy who wrote this Saturday, Kolb sure was a risky pick! DUH! Going into the Monday Night games I am down 60-29. I have 3 players remaining, 2 RBs and a WR (Rice @ Jets, Charles vs. SD and Floyd @ KC), so I am not completely out of it yet. Not too confident about Rice against the Jets to open the stadium. Charles and Floyd will hopefully produce against poor defenses. Add to the fact my opponent still doesn't understand what NA next to Santonio Holmes means (it doesn't mean he's carrying narcotics[again], it means he is not active!), I think there is a slight chance. Now excuse me as I punch myself for not just starting Carson Palmer.

My friends and family league (10 team head to head) drafted on Labor Day a little before 1pm. Imagine to my surprise that the guy with the number 1 pick (who didn't want Chris Johnson) ate his entire draft clock therefore autopicking Johnson. In reality he wanted Drew Brees. This is me documenting those actions so he can't say this, "Oh I was just messin' with you guys," at a later time. His length of time to pick should have tipped me off to what was going to be the longest 10 team draft ever. 2 were AUTOPICKS!

League Name : CBS Will Always SUCK!

Team Name: 3 Penis Whiners

("The League" reference)

Once again, Rice went to me as I had an early pick (3rd) and the rest of the draft went like this: Ryan Grant (18), Miles Austin (23), Anquan Boldin (38), Antonio Gates (43), Terrell Owens (58), Carson Palmer (63), Dallas' D (78), Knowshon Moreno (83), Felix Jones(98), Kevin Kolb (103), Ladainian Tomlinson (118), David Akers (123), Sidney Rice (138) and Mike Williams[TB] (143). Looking, "prettay prettay prettay good." If I don't mind saying so. Pretty deep at RB so might be some trade bait there. Or in case of emergency, break open bench!

Monday 9/13/10 Update:

• No punching in this league necessary as I actually start Palmer instead of Kolb. The injury to Ryan Grant hurts considering Moreno sat on my bench with 12 points. While Grant had only 4 and a leg injury. So consider this an emergency. Grant has had ankle problems and that is what the early report is on the injury. If my complaining hasn't told you already, I am down in this game as well. Losing 77-58 with both of us having players going tonight. Rice, Gates and Charles to go while he has Dwayne Bowe and Shonn Greene. I think Green and Rice will match each other while Charles and Gates may explode. Each player is facing a sub par defense and Bowe is to. He has excellent career numbers against the Chargers. I'm not giving up, I'm just being realistic.

Monday Update ESPN League:

• Complete destruction by the Nerf Herders. Matt Forte(30 points) for MVP assisting my team to 93 points and an early 32 point lead on Team AFK. We each have players to go, Baltimore defense for me and Chris Chambers/Jerricho Cotchery for him. Saying his players were of higher caliber I may be worried. Up 32 with only a defense to play, I highly doubt the dynamic duo of Chambers and Cotchery can make up 32+. Special shout out to Ochocinco(21 points), leading the Bengals charge to second place in the AFC North. As for this game, I never will lose this large of a lead to low tier players. I know they say to never say never but I'm saying never!

Well follow the updates to see how my team is or isn't doing. Expect a new journal to tell final results. Good luck tonight to those who need some points to dominate!

Fantasy Journal - With the 11th Pick in the 2010 Draft, The Nerf Herders Select...

Ryan Grant. I know it isn't who I was hoping for but when I logged into the draft to find out what position I would have (the league commish for the 2nd year in a row had first pick, supposedly randomized) I wasn't happy. Really? 11th pick? The WR that were there were decent but not worth a #1 draft pick. So here is how it all went down.

Before the draft I had a meal which I would hope lead to the people in my house giving me some space. Red beans and rice. Unfortunately the unbearable gas didn't happen until after my draft plus my daughter would have thought my farts were hilarious. So after I raged a little at other fantasy nerds who got in there early about my late draft position I took care of some stuff around the house. Ease my mind if you will. But by the time 8:30 came around I was ready to go.

Imagine my surprise to see someone not pick Chris Johnson with the first pick. The draft went as most go, everyone taking RBs besides a couple picking up wideouts (Johnson, from the Texans and Moss, from the Pats). Luckily with the 11th pick this snake draft allows me to jump on another decent back at the 14th pick. So with those picks I made what I thought were the most solid picks left at RB with Grant and Shonne Greene. What felt like hours later I was ready to start picking up my other position players, WRs. As long as I got two decent top tier guys (one who's QB was still on the board) there wouldn't be a problem.

So of course I snagged Marquez Colston and Chad Ochocinco. Carson Palmer was a much later round pick so I knew I could sit on him. Perhaps draft another QB before taking him. The commish failed to make a flex position as he said he would so I had to grab a TE before all the decent ones were gone. Visanthe Shiancoe (from...MORGAN STATE) and Brent Celek were there and due to my loyalty from having him last year, I took Celek. So my position players looked pretty solid especially considering what I was looking at. Now due to what everyone else was doing (going crazy on defenses) the rest of the draft went like no other I normally do.

My next pick is usually a backup/matchup starter. So why not go with Matt Forte, in a Mike Martz system and looking great in preseason. If he couldn't catch out of the backfield Martz being there would hurt him more than help. After this pick I was sitting around waiting for my picks to come up and just watching a decent amount of defenses fly off the board. About 5. I knew if I wanted a top tier unit (albeit a homer pick but still) I would need to act fast. So when it came to me I hopped right on the Ravens defense/special teams. I took a glance at the rosters. Most everyone had QBs and needed more skill position help. So I thought I could let my QB spot go a little longer and picked up Thomas Jones. Yes, I know Jamaal Charles has looked a 1000x better than him but it's still Thomas Jones. He takes every one's job eventually. He most likely will get goal line carries a la Tim Hightower in Todd Haley's system 2 years ago. Now the waiting game.

Okay on the round heading up to me I start seeing QB's go off the board and realize I need to act quickly. Vince Young and David Garrard are taken. Good I didn't want them anyway. I jump on the Cutler train. I know no one wants Cutler. However he finished the season strong in his last few games and I really think Martz being there is going to make a difference for him. Last year was his worst year as a pro. One of my fantasy rules is never expect a repeat of a previous season. This being one of those cases. With my next pick I grabbed his proposed #1 target in Johnny Knox. Figuring that I could grab Carson Palmer on the next go around. Needless to say, I was wrong.

Normally I stay away from kickers until the last round. I don't draft 2 of them (or 2 defenses) because someone always steps up or has a great matchup the 1 or 2 weeks you need them. However when I saw 3 kickers jump off the board before it got back to me I knew I needed to grab the best option. Rob Bironas was there and I scooped him up. Kaeding was off first in the 7th round, Gostkowski to follow in the 8th, Nedney and Longwell in the 9th before I watched Akers (who I wanted), Mason Crosby and Garrett Hartley go. None were drafted in the 11th before I took Bironas but I would rather have him than Nedney or Longwell. I grabbed a backup WR on a reach when I scooped up Eddie Royal who is now the best option in Denver. The rounds are flying by and I realize there are only 3 more to go. Me still with no backup QB. Houston, we have a problem.

So what felt like 5 hours later, was probably a mere 5 minutes, I grab a backup QB. Matt Moore. Yet another reach for a QB. He is another one who looked decent towards the end of last season and he does face such epic defenses as Tampa Bay (this isnt 2003, Derrick Brooks isn't walking through that door), Atlanta and New Orleans. NO being the main one to worry about due to there inate ability to get turnovers. Oh look at that it's my turn to pick again. Why has no one drafted Willis McGahee? I mean especially whoever has Ray Rice should have grabbed him. Well whatever, thanks buddy. McGahee probably won't have a similar year to last year but should be useful for matchups or bye weeks. Especially if he starts getting all the goal line work. Hooray another long wait for my last pick.

With the 179th pick, the Nerf Herders select (long dramatic pause) Mike Williams. Receiver, Tampa Bay. For some reason this AM I felt the need to post this to facebook just to screw around. I thought it was funny and know that anyone who was on at the time didn't care. Honestly at that point in the draft, I didn't care. If I can get someone who has been talked about all over the web with great upside, that is a win. Williams is that guy.

So as of week 1 my roster is going to look like this...

QB - Jay Cutler
RB - Ryan Grant
RB - Matt Forte (against the Lions, sorry Suh)
WR - Marquez Colston
WR - Chad Ochocinco
D/ST - Ravens D
K - Rob Bironas

With the remainder of players hanging on the bench. More than likely, knowing me I will change everything like 80 million times but this looks good to me. Plus I am going against someone who auto picked their draft and managed to grab Sidney Rice (out until late Oct, Nov) so that will be a big fat donut in that roster spot. Since his team is named Team AFK (away from keyboard), last season he never logged in. For some reason the commish invited him back. I think, possibly the two guys are sleeping together. Which would then make sense for the awkward fantasy football name which uses a gay slur in the title. I am too grown for that, well not really.

So if you aren't sleeping already thanks for reading and I will see you back here soon. Especially since I have yet another draft on Sunday. Hooray!

Fantasy Journal - Pre Draft Jitters

Manager's log - Entry 1 - Pre-draft for ESPN League
Team: Nerf Herders

(you can't say that that's our word!)

I am sitting here, mere hours away from my first fantasy draft with pre-draft jitters. Who will I take? Where will I be drafting? Will my head explode?

The answer to those questions will be answered tonight. As far as who to draft? Now that my daughter has gone down for her nap the research/panic can begin. Overthinking it can begin. Honestly I won't know the draft order until 7:30pm EST. I will know what position I will be looking at but come on. My competitor's might read this! Don't wanna give too much away.

Those who know me know my fantasy football drafting beliefs and probably know what I am going after. I have a strong no QB policy in the first round. Don't know why, I just do. Perhaps it is my lack of a man crush on Peyton Manning who usually is the first QB to go. Maybe it is my many man crushes on other position players. Little of both I suppose. Truth is most leagues use 1 QB. I need more good position players than QBs. Not that Manning isn't great. Just that there are others that are good that put up similar if not better numbers than him.

This is my ESPN league which is with mostly people who don't know me. If they remember me from last season they will know that I drafted 5 RBs total for 14 roster spots. This is a league with 1 RB spot and a RB/WR flex spot to start. Very heavy WR based league. My RBs last season, in order of drafting, were Deangelo Williams, Frank Gore, Ray Rice, Jonathan Stewart and Lesean McCoy. I highly doubt I will get Rice as late as I did last season (unless I am in the top 5 to draft) which was a late round reach then. Now, not so much. Deangelo Williams is officially black listed from my fantasy team, he is on the banned list (read one of my previous posts from last season). Too many injuries and not enough performance after a stellar 2008. Possibly a later reach, highly unlikely though. I am hoping for a similar receiving core like I had last season.

As I said, heavy based WR league. With 3 possible spots last season (this season the roster looks to be 2 RB, 2 WR and a TE). In order of draft spot, last season I had T. J. Houschmandzadeh(hooshmazilli, championship!), Vincent Jackson, Desean Jackson (no relation and with my very next pick!) and honestly I don't remember who else. It says something that I remember all of my drafted RBs and not WRs aye? None of them matter to me this season except for D Jax. Vincent is out for the first few games(might hold out for all of them) and Hoosh is not who me or Denny Green thought he was. I pretty much filled in Hoosh's roster spot with randoms throughout the season. Same with my TE spot. Mostly filled last season by Brent Celek. The team got me the king of the loser's title. Which is not what anyone wants. All my big players got hurt in the last week of the regular season (for fantasy) and I needed a win to get into the championship round. Which looking back on it, I would have won had my players not gotten hurt. But if coulda/woulda/buts were candy and nuts we'd all have a merry fantasy season wouldn't we?

Truth is I just wanted to jot down my thoughts which I will probably doing throughout the season. Stay tuned to find out what my roster looks like in all of my leagues. Or don't. Ya jerk!

I'd like you to meet Nelson Jackson...er Steven Cruz...no wait

Ladies, gentlemen and fantasy nerds alike. I would like you to meet Nelson Cruz (on the left above). Those who own him (and his nagging hamstring injury) feel my pain. Also if those same folks play fantasy football, they could see why I would compare him to Steven Jackson. However for those who may not be familiar.

Nelson Cruz plays right field for the first place (surprisingly) Texas Rangers. If it weren't for Josh Hamilton he would be the best outfielder(possibly player) on the team. Cruz has been a monster this season, starting off with a .323 BA, .419 OBP, 7 HR, and 17 RBI in April before his first stint on the DL. Which shut him down until mid-May. Cruz burst back into the lineup only going hitless in 2 games before his second visit to the DL. A mere 14 days(13 games) later. This 2nd visit to the DL felt like an eternity but was only 3 weeks. The Rangers took more precautions due to his quickness to reinjure his hamstring previously. Leaving him on the DL an extra week so he could properly heal(and maybe learn how to stretch during pregame). His second return did not see the same results as his prior one. Cruz only managed 1 homerun in the first two weeks of his return, with several hitless games. However his return lasted much longer (nearly two months!) before breaking at least my heart. His last 4 games were insane before ripping my heart out a la Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. After 3 straight hitless games, Cruz rewarded royal owners going 7 for 17 with a HR and 3 RBI's before his third stint on the DL. Right in time for the playoff race. Thanks Nelson! If these comments sound familiar to you than perhaps Steven Jackson is a familiar name.

Add to the fact that any fantasy obsessor has drafts coming up (or already in progress/completed) for fantasy football. One should discuss the value of Steven Jackson. Who only missed one game last season(unlike previous seasons) however his performance plummeted, at least in the TD department. He only had 4 last season. He is the best weapon on a porous Rams offense that ranked 29th in the NFL last season in total offense and - thanks to Jackson - 20th in rushing. Most fantasy geeks like myself avoid Jackson due to his previous seasons (2007 & 2008) when he missed 4 games and his production went down tremendously. Everyone went crazy for Jackson after his stellar 2006 season. I know, I drafted him in 2007. He now is blacklisted from my fantasy teams. That is, unless I am desperate. Ever since then I have seen him drop as low as the fifth round before someone took him. If he goes that long this year, I may have to pull the trigger. Or I could always take a chance on Jahvid Best. If Jackson is around in the 3rd round don't be surprised. I suppose the biggest difference between Jackson and Cruz (other than the sport they play) is their ranking on their respective teams as the best player. Cruz could be seen as second or even third after Josh Hamilton and Vladimir Guerrero. While Jackson is clearly the best weapon on the Rams.

All this leads to the fact that Cruz is only one day away from coming back to the Rangers and my fantasy lineup. Or so I hope. My outfield by committee since then hasn't been great. As long as someone teaches Cruz the art of stretching his hamstring throughout the game (during pregame and every inning, seriously, we need you healthy Nelson!), I think all is well.

H.Y.P.E. = Hold Your Predictions EEEEEEEEEEEEdiots!

So with the impending NFL season slowly approaching and so much hype surrounding Lebron James' free agency, it is time for yet another fantastic blog by yours truly. Now for those who want to insult me for my inability to come up with a word that starts with "E" for my acronym in the title, have a sense of humor. I'm quoting the great Ren Hoek,"you eeeeeediot!"

Bron Bron

• Look, when Wade and Bosh announced that they would go to Miami and take "less money" to bring those who could help the team win, I thought Lebron was packing his swimming trunks for the beaches in Miami. Anyone who thought Lebron was going to stay in Cleveland, hit the Big Apple or head to Chicago after that bomb dropped is/was crazy. Who knew that Chris Bosh signing somewhere would effect the decision of James, who was attempting to bring him to the Cavs. All in all, "decision 2010" lacked much drama for me. What it did do was change my image of who I thought Lebron was. Bold move arranging for an hour long special on ESPN where you control everything for something that could be a status update on Twitter or Facebook. Thanks for the marketing ploy Lebron. Anyway, I am just happy that I will start seeing NFL analysts soon as opposed to Chris Broussard all over ESPN and cap specialists telling me where Lebron will go.

Oakland Raiders Won't Suck?

• When asked what team could turn it around a lot of experts are picking the Raiders. I can't really knock on this considering they have an improving young QB in Jason Campbell and a decent running game. Add the talent of Rolondo McClain from the draft to improve a team that was terrible against the run last season and it makes it interesting. Well that and the fact that they play in the AFC West where the only team that will be decent is the Chargers. Win the division? No. Go 9-7? Yeah. Too many close games last year and they got rid of that pariah Jamarcus Russell.

Jets in the Super Bowl

• Really? Wasn't this the same smack we all heard last year? LT is not an improvement over Thomas Jones but their pass defense is looking like it will be pretty stacked. Revis and Cromartie are two stellar corners who have shutdown ability. Well Revis does but let's not forget how great Cromartie was a couple years back (remember that insane 1 handed INT on Peyton while falling down on the sideline? if not, google it!). Besides the AFC East is going to be a monster this year with every team being better, well maybe not the Bills. Dolphins made moves getting Karlos Dansby (MLB) and Brandon Marshall (WR), eventhough he is hurt, which is going to vastly improve their team. Plus there is this guy named Tom Brady who thinks he OWNS the AFC East division crown.

The Madden Curse Tolls for Thee

• A lot of experts don't believe in this curse but that is not me. Too many players have been effected by mojo, voodoo, coincidence, faith or whatever one might call this. It happens. All I am advising is that anyone involved in fantasy football avoid Drew Brees like he has Sars. I wish you well Mr. Brees but my mouse will not click "draft" anywhere near your picture this year. If history proved this wrong then maybe I would think twice about this. It doesn't. Just ask any player who has graced the cover since 1999 when the "tradition" began(or go here---> http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madden_NFL#Madden_Curse ). That is the definition of an "E" word, evidence. I'm not predicting when Brees will go down, just that he will be out at some point. Sorry Saints fans!

And the Super Bowl Champ Is...

• Okay, look I am all for making picks to start the season but anyone picking a team to win the Super Bowl now is out of their mind. I don't want to hear who Mark Schlereth, Darren Woodson or Trey Wingo have winning it all this year before anyone has taken a training camp snap. Everyone would, should pick who was in the game last year for the simple reason that there is nothing to really go on. Except for overall rosters (paper) and no one wants to be a paper champion. Just ask the Colts, they are the paper champs just about every season. Who knows what can happen in training camp or the preseason? Injuries happen, thats what. So wait until after the preseason so called experts.

There you go! A word that begins with the letter "E" which leads me to my point of this blog. Next time you hear one of these so called experts building something up just think to yourself H.Y.P.E. Hold your predictions eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeediot!

Pretty Bird

Okay, seriously everyone, say it with me. Woo sah. There do you feel better? We are still 7-21(8-21 after the win against the Twins) coming off back to back sweeps (one of us in New York and one against the Red Sox at home) and I have heard two totally different reactions in a matter of days.

Let's be realistic. Who honestly thought the O's would be better then fourth place this season? If you nodded your head, raised your hand or even thought for a second that your answer would qualify as a yes then please hit yourself.

Better now? Yes I admit, I had high hopes, I had concerns but in no way am I going to say, "Get rid of everyone, start anew and start spending money!" Wake up folks, before MacPhail came to town we did that. We threw money at anyone or anything that resembled a major leaguer. Making us to look like we were going to contend. Whether it was Palmeiro, Tejada (the first time, not now, its a favor now), Kevin Brown, Albert Belle, Sidney Ponson(who is in the top 10 of Oriole pitching statistics, strikeouts - he is number 1 in sucking) the list goes on and on. We have been losing ever since Angelos couldn't handle Davey Johnson's ego and fired him after the 1997 season.

Some current fans of the O's have no idea that we were once good, on steroids (allegedly), but still a very competitive team. Ever since Davey Johnson's departure we have been a losing team struggling with its identity. Now I am not saying we shouldn't be upset about the current state of the O's but let's take a step back, relax. I heard one caller on a radio show say we should get rid of Adam Jones because of his porous BA since May of last year (.215) and inability to stay healthy. Sure, let's give up on a gold glover whose batting average reflects being shifted around in the lineup so much in his career. I like Trembley but when it comes to Jones he never has been able to keep him in a specific spot in the lineup. This year it is due to the Brian Roberts injury. Other than Roberts, who can fill our leadoff spot? Its very easy for me to flip flop Jones and Markakis in the lineup. Put Jones in the 3 spot with Markakis batting second, once Roberts returns of course. Markakis hits for average better then power and Jones clearly hits for power.

Do the Orioles need to clean house and start fresh? No. Will we fire Trembley after the season? Oh yes, the only way he saves his job is by some miraculous finish. Will we win any more series' against the Red Sox? No, if we win in Fenway the team may get lynched. Personally I think we should pick up the option on Rojo Johnson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haHlFA_bDkI), I mean we need middle relief help. Right?

Besides, its only a few months until the Ravens open up camp. So, go Ravens!

Haven't You Heard?

So have you heard? The bird is the word! Well the Ravens bird that is.

NFL schedules were released Tuesday which means that last night the complaints from fans began about who had the most ridiculous schedule out there. As well as bragging rights as to who has the toughest schedule for 2010. Well this blog is nothing like that, actually I lie. It's everything like that.

I am not basing my opinion on records from last year like Texans or Titans fans are (they are tied for the hardest schedule based on that). Their opponents bolster a .547 winning percentage from last season. Mainly due to the strength of their own division or just the Colts. Why wouldn't I base it on the same thing that many experts are? Simple, did personnel change? So the teams are all going to change, good or bad. If you want to check out the list go
here ---> http://espn.go.com/blog/nfcnorth/post/_/id/11663/sweating-out-the-schedule

With that said let me start off by saying that the Ravens have one of the toughest schedules in the league this year. They rank in the middle of the pack when it comes to last years record (12th, .508 percentage) but they are tied with the Lions at that spot. Leaning towards the Ravens being better then the kittens this year. Just a guess. While I went through last year and analyzed and predicted whether the team would win each game on my fridge (not man enough to put it in the blog I guess) I was completely wrong. I didn't see the Bengals not sucking last year, I'm not Merrill Hoge. Nor did I see the Steelers losing to such powerhouses as the Raiders, Browns and Chiefs. At least I got some enjoyment out of that.

So before this drones on let's get to this years schedule. Let's break it down to 4 game increments.

Weeks 1-4 - @Jets, @Cincinnati, Browns and @ Pittsburgh

Prediction - 2-2

The Ravens get the opportunity to play the first Monday Night game in new Jets/Giants stadium. Honestly in the first 7 games before the bye I could see them only getting 3 wins in that stretch. I would be upset and disappointed but it could happen. The Jets game will be the most interesting, not only for the simple fact that its Rex vs Ravens but more importantly its Rex's disciples against Rex's current followers. This could be a new rivalry that could challenge the gladiator fights in Rome for the amount of bloodshed. Two smashmouth teams that have similar gameplans, run and stop the run. What a way to open up Monday Night Football. Cincinnati will be tough but they really haven't improved their team. Still the same team who got blown out in the first round of the playoffs last season just with Antonio Bryant who fell off in production last year. The prediction for the home game against the Browns is that Delhomme will throw 4 picks, if he's the starter. At Jets, at Cincinnati and at Pittsburgh will all be tough games. Even with Big Ben out for the week 4 game (it has just been announced that he will be suspended for 4-6 weeks for personal conduct violations) against the Ravens, Dixon gave them trouble in Baltimore last season. More then likely he will start over Leftwich/Batch.

Week 5-9 - Broncos, @New England, Bills, Bye, Miami

Prediction - 4-0

I know what you are going to say. Obvious wins are agains the Broncos and Bills. Neither team has improved (Broncos are rebuilding trading Brandon Marshall to the Dolphins and Tony Scheffler to the Detroit). Besides, even if Brady Quinn starts for Denver, we own him. Plus those are home games, expect a beatdown of one or both of those teams. Before last season's drubbing of the Pats in the playoffs I would have immediately said there was no way we could win at Gilette Stadium. Now I have high hopes and the Ravens are going to need to go undefeated in this stretch to improve their playoff chances later. A win over the Pats in their house would assist in that. That and it would fuel the fire for me to tease my buddy Marcel who hails from the region. The Bills could be a surprise if they get something from the QB position. Odds are bad for that to happen though. Injuries seem to kill the Bills as well. Add that all the teams in their division got better while they seemed to only get worse (they lost Terrell Owens to free agency...maybe). Plus new coach; alright, thats it enough piling up negatives on the Bills. In week 9, after the bye, Miami pays us a visit. They just picked up a guy we were after last year in Brandon Marshall. Now if he only had a QB that could get him the ball. Marshall is going to burn us, pretty sure of that. Most big time receivers do. That's if Henne has the time to throw which, in our house, is unlikely.

Weeks 10-13 - @Atlanta, @Carolina, Tampa Bay, Pittsburgh

Prediction - 3-1

We will finally have a head to head of Flacco and Ryan. The two first round QB's from a couple years ago. Should be a show that the Falcons will lose. Yes, I know they picked up Dunta Robinson. I am pretty sure that Boldin will truck him and Ray Rice will juke him out of his shoes. Their linebacking core is young and inexperienced. John Abraham will give Oher a test on the edge but this is a game we should win. Ryan needs to improve from his sophomore slump last year. The game against the Panthers could be interesting. Moore can go deep and Steve Smith is, oh wait wrong one. If they can actually run on our boys than they might stand a chance. This 3 game NFC South stretch ends against the Bucs in the nest. There is no way they pull of a victory in Baltimore, Josh Freeman will get abused in that game. While I could continue to analyze the game, why would I? The Bucs are rebuilding along with the Rams and Lions, these 3 will be vying for top 5 picks in next years draft. This all leads to the final season meeting against the Steelers. Now we all know they will still be near the top of our division because they are the Steelers after all. Add to the fact that the only tough opponent in their first 6 games when they will be without Ben is us and possibly Miami/Tennessee. As we all know, when both teams are playing well, 9 times out of 10 the home team wins. Facts are facts, even Kyle Boller beat them in Baltimore. Argue with that Steeler fan!

Weeks 14-17 - @Houston, Saints, @Cleveland, Bengals

Prediction - 2-2

The end of the season could be interesting. At Houston is a game that is up in the air in my eyes. Could go either way depending on what Texans team shows up. As far as New Orleans, they are the defending Super Bowl champs, Brees is on the Madden cover (by this time in the season he could have fallen to the infamous Madden curse) and their offense should still be strong. Cleveland as I said before will be a joke this year but by week 16 things should or could be clicking for them, think last year when they ended the Steelers hopes at the playoffs. When they realized Jerome Harrison could actually run the ball if given the opportunity, the defense began to play, for lack of a better term, defense. So who knows what can happen with a division rival on the road. Speaking of division rivals the Bengals come to Baltimore for week 17 which could be a division crown deciding game. If I were the NFL I would have scheduled the Steelers for the Ravens in week 17 to guarantee that everyone would play for both teams since the players hate/respect each other. The same could be said about some of the Bengals as far as respect but this should be a great game in what could be a lackluster week 17 where teams in the AFC South and West will likely be resting players.

So I have the Ravens going 11-5 which could win the division. Hopefully I am right and Flacco leads us to the playoffs for the third straight year. If I am wrong however, who will know? You won't tell anyone, will you?

T.O. sign or not T.O. sign?

That is the question. Whether tis nobler to sign T.O. and deal with the media circus that he creates? While also ruining our young QB (doubtful he would shed tears for Flacco) and destroying an already powder keg of a locker room. Just because they think it will improve our offense and give a young QB confidence.

We already have a huge egotistical maniac on defense (love ya Ray Ray) but the benefit of Ray is that he happens to be a great leader. Will he call out players, coaches and referees? Yes. Is he a known leader and once the head of the most dominant defense ever? Yes. Was T.O.? Has T.O. ever won a championship? The answer to those is no. He has never been a part of anything historic(team wise) so honestly, in my opinion, he hasn't earned the ego. At least with Ray, it is about the success of the team.

T.O. is a part of history as an individual but his teams are best known for falling apart due to him destroying their foundations. While last season wasn't an example as one of those teams his performance fell off. Last season marked his first without at least 1,000 yards and 10 TDs since his injury shortened season of 2005. I'm not saying his age has anything to do with it but he is 36. Unlike baseball pitchers, it's not like most football players to get better with age. We have seen two franchise running backs cut this week for that exact fact. LT and Brian Westbrook (not to mention Thomas Jones being released by the Jets even though he had a career year last season) are in the over 30 RB club who were axed by their teams.

T.O. is currently fifth all time in TDs behind active leader LT and Randy Moss (Owens is 61 TDs behind the career leader in Jerry Rice who has 208). Like Rice however T.O. has started to fall off later in his career, mainly the past few seasons. His yards and TDs have been declining over the past 2 seasons. Analysts have torn apart his route running, thinking he is giving up on plays in Dallas and just not performing up to his normal par in Buffalo last season. All I am trying to say is he is more trouble then his performance is worth. Unlike previous years where that could balance out to be equal value.

Like Mike Preston of the Baltimore Sun, I think we should look a different direction as far as a top tier receiver. I know Harbaugh non saliently said Owens was a, "great player," but more then likely this was just out of respect for Owens' previously mentioned ego/career. There are better options out there. Brandon Marshall and Anquan Boldin come to mind. While Marshall may have his issues, he is clearly a better player then Owens. If you wanted to break his trouble to performance ratio down, they would be almost equal. Who knows, maybe changing team would change his attitude? Boldin would be my first choice if he didn't have injury issues. While he is one of the toughest wideouts in the game (he played a couple weeks after his face was put back together during the 2008 season), the fact that he has knee and hamstring issues scare me.

I trust in Ozzie though, even after that Stallworth signing I still believe in him. He always seems to know something about talent. We need a top tier receiver to pair with Derrick Mason, our backfield is already stacked we just need a receiver to lock up the offense. If you think you have a better idea then let me know in the comments. Until next time, stay classy.

10 Things You're Thinking About Before the Orioles Season Starts

Perhaps non-Oriole fans aren't asking these questions but we as Oriole nation are asking them. Why 10? We are the tenth man after all. Plus I can't completely rip off MLB Networks Prime 9. These are ten things that should be on the minds of us, the fans of "dem O's". Or as some of us may have affectionately called them the "d' O's" (a play on Homer Simpsons "D'oh!"). So unlike a Tiger Woods press conference, let's get to the questions.

1. Did we really sign Miguel Tejada?

• What is he like 40? Honestly we don't know. All false birth certificates and b-12 injection jokes aside, he is still a decent player. Most of us are familiar with Josh Bell, who the O's acquired in the George Sherrill trade at the deadline last season from the Dodgers. If you aren't, know he is the future at third base. Which is why Mora is now in Colorado and Tejada is just filler at the position until Bell is ready. Bell passed the AA test last season when he belted 20 homers and had a respected .295 avg. This isn't a question about Bell. Tejada was a doubles machine last season when he had 46 of them while batting .313 in 158 games. Yes, the homerun numbers are down but that is not why we got him. We have more then enough power without Tejada. With him we have depth at SS in case of another Izturis injury and a solid veteran in our clubhouse. Hopefully he is in better spirits then a few years ago when he left for a "winning franchise" in Houston. Which he should be, considering he signed here. I mean, what were his other options, the Nationals? More then likely Tejada will split time at third, shortstop and DH.

2. Will the lineup be any good?

• We are the projected fifth best lineup in baseball. So let's go with yes. We have the best outfield in the American League East in my opinion with two gold glove caliber players in Jones and Markakis. Add the young Reimold in the mix and we are solid in the outfield. Where are we going to put Pie? He will get his time as well more then likely in left or in center to give Jones a break. Still our starting lineup will probably look something like this. Roberts(2b), Markakis (RF), Jones (CF), Scott (DH), Reimold (LF), Wieters(C), Tejada(3b), Atkins (1B), Izturis (SS). Listed in batting order of course. If this is how the opening day lineup looks I wouldn't be surprised but Reimold and Jones could flip flop or Wieters could move up. Some people have Jones predicted as hitting seventh in our lineup. We shall see what Spring Training shows in our young players like Wieters and Reimold. If they perform well, Jones batting seventh could be a reality.

3. Will anyone hit 30 homers?

• Yes, Matt Wieters...from both sides of the plate! (That was for you Antoine!) All MattWietersfacts.com-like jokes aside, we didn't have one last year. We may not have one this year. If Scott stays healthy all season he is our best bet unless of course someone from our youth movement shows up. Considering that Markakis is more likely to hit .300 then hit 30 homers, I doubt it.

4. Will Brian Matusz be in our starting rotation on opening day?

• Well, he is the fifth best prospect in baseball and has experience from last year. Still with rookie status so he could be a serious contender for rookie of the year. At this point he has had two bullpen sessions down in Sarasota and is feeling good. Working in curveballs and improving his two seamer to his sessions. Most importantly, looking forward to touring ballparks again with his budding bromance, Chris Tillman. The comradery in this young group of pitchers really stands out, hopefully their performance does as well.

5. Will any pitcher win 15 games?

• My confidence levels are high with this one. While we did have a 17 game loser last year, ironically enough this was also the team leader in wins (10, Guthrie). The last 15 game winner we had was Mr. Personality himself, Erik Bedard back in 2006. Please, someone win 15 so that I never have to say that again. While Bedard was a dominant pitcher, his injuries have seemed to dominate him ever since he left Baltimore. Sorry I couldn't hear the smallest violin playing over Adam Jones and George Sherrill being all stars/awesome. So by playing 6 degrees of separation, Bedard won a gold glove last season for the O's playing centerfield. Way to go!

6. Can we have more than 1 player in the All Star game?

• Nothing against Adam Jones, he deserved to go last year (hello I wrote a blog supporting that!), but it would be nice to see more O's in the game. I know Markakis will never start in the All Star game as long as Ichiro is playing which I am okay with. I would take him being an alternate this season. In all honesty, Matt Wieters might be our best option to make the team in addition to anyone else. Considering how weak the AL is with catchers, as long as he performs he could do it. Especially since he is more widely known then others. Yes, I know Varitek will start no matter his stats, thank you Red Sox nation, but Wieters could be the backup. Considering Joe Girardi (an AL East manager) will be coaching the team and seeing Wieters on a regular. Who knows? I don't see you taking a stab at the All Star guessing game. What is more likely is that Jones will repeat or Markakis will make his first appearance. Since those two were the highest O's on the ballot last season.

7. Who will we trade by the deadline?

• Don't be surprised if it is Miguel Tejada. Expiring contract, decent hitter, plays solid defense and would have no issues being traded to a winning team. I mean, it's not likely that we would trade him within our own division for obvious reasons. With Jeter in New York, Scutaro in Boston and Bartlett in Tampa Bay. Lord knows the Blue Jays aren't going to be buyers in July. So why would they give up talent they recently acquired in the Halladay deal? There are teams in the NL that might look at Tejada seriously, maybe the Cubs.

8. Should I pay my money to watch these guys?

• I know times are hard but if you are a fan of baseball and the O's, get out to the Yard! Without sounding like or better than a PR person for the team, this could be the season they turn it around. If you are one of those fans that wants to see a win, go early in the season as we tail off towards the end the past few years. The young talent is really fun to watch and there is a 90% chance you are going to see someone in our outfield make a spectacular play. If Pie is out there...that lowers the percentage. I'm not saying to just go to Red Sox/Yankee games. No matter how many I tell to come, there is a 100% chance Orioles fans will be outnumbered. Nats games are always fun since you will never hear this from any of them, "Remember how awesome we were when we went to the playoffs/won the World Series?" Or the newly updated "27!" Seriously, we have seen the shirt and look Yankee fans, we know. Blah blah blah dynasty. Remember your best player in history was from Baltimore. So, SUCK ON THAT!

9. Are we going to matter in the AL bEast?

• You know what, we just might. I know the term of "this year's Rays" is being thrown our direction but that is the thing. That was only two years ago. No one was saying that about any team minus people mocking the Devil Rays. Maybe if we change the team name to just O's then life will be simpler. So we can all watch sportscasters and reporters alike say, "how bout them Oriole....er I mean O's!" The biggest concern of every fan is our pitching. While I can't say I am happy to be older then half of the staff, at least for a change I can say I'm not more talented (oooo diss!). Games will be decided by our bullpen due to our staff's youth so right now that is my biggest concern. If our starters can have quality starts and perform like all the experts think they can we may be able to snag a wild card spot.

10. Wait, a wild card spot? Brandan, what are you smoking/drinking?

• Uhm, hope? Luck? Andy MacPhail's spiked punch? Realistically I have us as the third team in the division. Above .500 for the first time in years. The Blue Jays are probably going to take fifth which has to be expected losing the talent they have over the past few years. The Rays are hoping, like us, that their young pitchers can lead them toward another winning season and hopefully the playoffs. I like ours as opposed to theirs. I am bias though. However, major league hitters have seen Price and seem to handle him well. He did not perform well as a starter last year after looking stellar in the playoffs when they went to the World Series. Plus, we have the third best lineup in the division. The only position, offensively that is, where power numbers will not matchup is first and third base. I highly doubt Tejada and Atkins. If Atkins from 2007 or 2008 shows up, then I will stand corrected. Give him some time with Terry Crowley, who has turned a lot of people around in his time. Here is hoping the baseball experts are wrong and Atkins is not past his prime.

So there it is. I am sure there are other questions that people may be asking and if there are any that you guys have feel free to post them in the comments. I will answer them as quickly as I can. Thanks for reading and I look forward to BSing with you in the future. Until next time. GO O's!

10 Random Thoughts

It my shock some of you that I had one thought let alone ten. These are just some things that are on my mind lately or have been for awhile. While sticking to the blogs message of sports and entertainment of course.



In some cases I was going to try to write a blog about these things but they couldn't carry a blog on their own.



1. Terrell Suggs should not be known as T-Sizzles

• There is nothing about Suggs that sizzles for me or any women I know. What sizzles is his play on the field. I get it. However there are better names to have. Suggs will forever be known as "The Suggernaut" in my house. How awesome would it be to hear a commentator whip out a, "Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuggs Got-chaaaaaaaaa!" What if his helmet flies off during a play in which Jamaal Charles from Kansas City bowls him over? "Oh Charles you're messin' with his head! He had that helmet since the fourth grade!" If he pushes a lineman into a QB, the technical term will be that he hit said QB "with his own pimp." If you aren't rolling on the floor laughing by now then you have never seen the My Way Production version of X-Men. I would like to be there if this were to pick up just to hear Suggs tell Tom Brady, "You can't mess with me! I'm the Suggernaut b!t@h!"

2. If you aren't from Indianapolis and you aren't cheering for New Orleans Sunday...

• You have no soul. I don't care if you put all your money on the Colts, the Saints are America's team. Not George Dubya's team, but ever since Katrina the city has always looked to the Saints for uplifting. For the first time in franchise history they made it to the big show and what will follow in New Orleans should they win? One of the biggest drinking binges in history. Look for the state to be shutdown for a week if they win. Biggest state wide hangover...ever. A tiger will be in every body's bathroom down there. Don't worry though, he will be dreaming of Halle Berry in her Catwoman suit in no time.

3. Why is David Letterman's popularity increasing?

• I watched his show a few times just to see how much he would bash NBC/Jay Leno this week (not as much as I thought he would) and it wasn't impressive. The funniest moment was when Bruce Willis donned a Jets jersey, ran all over the studio to celebrate the Jets making the Super Bowl. To then only misspell the infamous Jets spelling chant, "J-E-T-E-S!" Uhm, no Bruce that is wrong. At least he called himself out on it afterwards. Clearly, I don't have a dog in the late night battle. That is until Conan possibly comes back in September, hopefully.

4. Something will rise for Chris Johnson

• It may not be his salary, which probably means he will hold out for a better contract. What will rise is his draft position in next year's fantasy draft. If he isn't your number 1 pick after this year, something is really really wrong with whoever has the first pick. Do I blame the guy for wanting a raise? No. He broke the record for yards from scrimmage. It isn't like that happens every year. When it comes to sports contracts, players are only as good as their last season. When that season was a record setting year, they have to take advantage of it. Just unfortunate that Johnson was in the second year of a five year contract.

5. Why does the NHL screw themselves?

• I don't follow hockey however, the games I think about checking out are always against better stuff. Its like Jay Leno in prime time against, long pause, anything (cue rim shot). Ovechkin against Crosby played each other for the first time a couple weeks ago. Ironically the same night as Lebron vs Kobe. Their next meeting is this Sunday. I forget what is on but it's something super I am sure. Honestly, if this was the NFL, these teams would play on opening night. It is the match up that everyone wants to see so why delay it? Plus most of who you are trying to draw in have already forgotten about the stellar match up in the playoffs won by Crosby and the Penguins last season.

6. Way to wait until Conan couldn't fire back to talk smack Leno

• In an interview with Oprah last week, Jay stayed classy by blasting Conan, saying he was disrespecting the Tonight Show franchise with his low ratings. Jay, you disrespected television with your prime time yuckfest. Big city news markets have you to blame for their ratings dropping by nearly 50%. I know you blame NBC but man up. You chose to stick with the network instead of going somewhere else and starting anew. Entertainment Weekly has The Jay Leno Show ranked number 1 for the worst move in television history. In the words of a fellow NBC employee, "You're fired!"

7. Whatever happened to those Guitar Hero lists I promised

• To be perfectly honest, Guitar Hero 5 came out and had most of the songs I was suggesting. Which led to the demise of the list, that in addition to fantasy football season starting. While I do not own the game, I still know what is on it. Before too long I will get another list on here because there are definitely some creative lists I can come up with that Red Octane might miss. The track list on GH 5 is awesome, one of my suggestions "The Spirit of Radio" by Rush is insane I'm sure. In the words of Wayne Campbell, "it will be mine, oh yes, it will be mine."

8. Everyone is picking the Baltimore Orioles as a sleeper this season

• Is there any other team that they could pick? I mean, the Nationals are still awful. The Indians haven't gotten better. Most top teams are still that, with the Red Sox and Yankees leading the pack as favorites in the AL. The biggest pickup being Lackey for the Sox. Personally, no one really picked true sleepers until the Rays went worst to first. So, now if we suck like usual, we have them to blame. Thanks Rays! I do like how the lineup looks, Antoine Pollard expects Matt Wieters to hit the warehouse and break every window in the process. Having a solid veteran in the rotation will help our young starters. Think Kris Benson a few years back. He taught Bedard how to throw a curveball, Bedard knew how to be a jerk on his own. Millwood is a much better pitcher then Benson so hopefully he can show these young boys some new tricks. The biggest issue is, as it usually is, our bullpen. Let's see what happens. Should I grow out my facial hair between wins? Considering I would barely look like a normal 13 year old with the amount of hair I would get, going to say no on that one.

9. New Super Mario Bros. Wii was the number 1 selling game of the year

• Which is pretty crazy when you think about it. I mean it was only out in mid-November. A new installment of the classic with the awesomeness of multiplayer. In my house it is useless since only a two year old will play it with me. My only beef with the game is more items. While I love the new penguin getup, I crave being able to fly with a racoon tail or cape. The game is still awesome, mostly due to my Wii being up for repairs it remains unbeaten. Only the 9th world remains. Wish me luck in the near future. If you own a Wii, get the game. It's great fun and the reason you own the system.

10. Is Kobe Bryant the best Laker ever?

• This past week, Bryant passed Jerry West as the highest score in Laker history. He passed Mr. Logo in a loss against the Grizzlies. It lead to every NBA analyst giving their top 5 Lakers ever. Kobe made it as high as 2 on Around the Horn with a couple of analysts forgetting about Kareem Abdul-Jabaar. One of which being Bill Plaschke who writes for the Los Angeles Times! Epic fail Bill. No one mentioned Wilt Chamberlain but then again, "the Stilt" had his best years in Philly. Only leading the Lakers to one championship in which he was the finals MVP (1972). Every one's unanimous number one was Magic Johnson, I completely agree. Personally I think it is impossible to find a top 5 that everyone can agree with in any successful franchise. Could anyone really agree with the top 5 Yankees in baseball, Steelers in football or Red Wings in hockey? The best comparison to the magnitude of the Lakers is the Yankees. There would be riots in the streets to determine that top 5. I guarantee.

So there you have it. Just some things that are rambling around this brain of mine. Have any input? Surprised I had a valid thought? Let me hear about it in the comments. I am always open to insults or input. Input would be better though. Thanks for reading and I hope to BS with you again, real soon.

Meet Your New QB Coach Baltimore - Jim Zorn

The last time we heard about Jim Zorn he was being fired. The firing happened immediately when he got off the plane after the last Washington Redskins game in early January. They replaced him with Mike Shanahan within a few days and Zorn was left wondering what was going to happen to his NFL coaching future.

To be fair, Zorn fell into the head coaching job in Washington. Dan Snyder wanted a big name coach like Cowher at the time but no one wanted to take the job. Snyder took to long to pull the trigger so Zorn was bumped from offensive coordinator to head coach. Many thought Snyder overlooked Gregg Williams, who since has gone on to turn the Saints into a Super Bowl-caliber, turnover machine.

So with the Ravens QB coach Hue Jackson heading for greener pastures in Oakland (not really greener but he will be the offensive coordinator there) it was announced today who would replace him. Jim Zorn. Now before everyone freaks out or Steelers fans start mocking us (Alex!), let's realize what title he got here. He will not be calling plays, Cam Cameron still has that job (probably will never get a head coaching gig thanks to that 1 win stint in Miami a couple years ago). He is going to be doing a job he knows how to do. I know Jason Campbell may not have made the Pro Bowl but let's take a look at his numbers.

Campbell has had to deal with a different offense implemented every season since he has been in Washington. However, with Zorn at the helm, Campbell's numbers improved. It was the team that was poor. The year before Zorn got there Campbell's stats looked like this; 13 games, 60% completions, 2700 yards passing, 12 TDs, 11 interceptions and a QB rating of 77.6. Each of those stats have gone up with Zorn in charge. 2008 saw Campbell limit his turnovers and improve his mechanics with this season having career highs in every passing statistic. Unfortunately that included turnovers. This was mostly without the services of Chris Cooley, the Pro Bowl tight end missed most of the season with a leg injury. Campbell is not Joe Flacco, he did not lead a team to back to back playoff appearances and his owner actually wants him as the franchise QB.

So let's look at this as a positive. Zorn knows how to handle QB's. He is a former NFL QB who has done this job for years. Zorn is on a long road back to being trusted to lead another NFL ship. If he turns Flacco into a Pro Bowler like he did with Matt Hasselbeck in Seattle, it may be sooner then you think.

No-no Show-show fo-fo Coco?

If the title makes absolutely no sense then you probably never watched an episode of The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. I know that everyone has a style of humor that they appreciate, maybe Conan isn't your guy. He's my kind of guy and he will be sadly missed, at least for the next 7 months.



After some serious thought, I realized that I have basically grown up loving the things that O'Brien has done. Whether it was The Simpsons, Saturday Night Live or Late Night with Conan O'Brien I have been a fan for a long time. Mr. O'Brien, if you are reading this, A) thanks for using your free time to check out my blog and 2) you have to own a sweet game system, why read? Since he isn't reading this, because no one has that kind of free time I have been told, I will just wax poetic about his accomplishments. I could do that, bash Jay Leno or NBC. Decisions, decisions.



The high road is a choice not usually taken by yours truly, 98% of readers agree with that. I have too much respect for O'Brien to not bash Leno or the network for what they did. In all honesty, I'm sad to see such a talented guy be taken off the air. Had my emotion been anger I would bash away. Again I know some see his humor as sophmoric, self-depreciating, immature and/or childish crap. On the flip side of that, who cares? He is hilarious!


Other then the obvious skits I will miss of his, mostly his mime abilities will be missed. Whether it is the NBC exec in his evil lair stroking his cat, Sarah Palin, Larry King (suspender pull, suspender pull, glasses = the national sign for Larry King), or his many other inappropriate (guitar riff) moves that coincided with his monologue. Just filing through some Youtube clips of Late Night (just search alternate cable channels for example along with Conan O'Brien or another favorite of mine were the cameos by the Governator Arnold Schwarzanegger/Former President George W. Bush).


Many of us watched as O'Brien gave his emotional, almost tearful, state of mind regarding NBC on Friday. What people who don't watch the show, or who have half a brain, don't realize that this isn't just about Conan. During the final show, honestly the whole final week, he talked about his staff and band (Max Weinberg and the Max Weinberg 7/Tonight Show band) in very high regard. If it weren't for Jimmy Fallon lucking out and having the Roots as his band, I would agree with O'Brien that he had the best band in late night. His show has been nominated previously for it's writing accomplishments. That's right, the crew who gave us the Masterbating Bear (the self pleasuring bear as supposedly called by NBC in O'Brien's seperation papers), was nominated for awards. The great news is the staff will receive a severence, one that I hope includes Andy Richter as I don't know if he will be doing any subpar series on NBC anytime soon. Bring back Andy Richter Controls the Universe! Or just stick with Conan. Either way, it's probably going to happen on Fox.


So that is what we are all questioning now. When or if Conan will be back on a network? Will he go to cable? Will he bring back the infamous James Lipton doing weird acts segment on his show? Who knows? Until then, I will have to catch David Letterman to hear all the latest on Jay bashing. Which, in my opinion, is way funnier then Jay Walking.

Playoff Picks - Part Deux

Do you know who went 4-0 on his picks last week? No, not Chris Berman. Not Mike Ditka. Certainly not Bill Cowher. It was this guy. Little old Brandan Spiegel. The scores may have been wrong but who could see the Ravens destruction of the Pats (Welker would not have saved Brady folks, he wouldn't have been blocking Suggs or Ray Lewis). Who could have seen that epic game in Arizona? No one, however I did pick the Cards so at least I have that.



So with the Wild Card round in the books that leaves the divisional round where we will see two teams who haven't won in nearly a month (Colts and Saints). Included in the madness will be two of the highest powered offenses in the NFL this year leading to the Cards being in yet another shootout. Unlike last week, only one match up is a rematch of a regular season game. Before I get into my analysis early let's jump into the games (which are in order of when they will be televised).





Arizona Cardinals VS New Orleans Saints





Anyone who thought that Green Bay and Arizona put on an offensive display needs to tune in to this one. I don't know if 96 points and over 1,000 yards of offense will be eclipsed but this one should be a shootout. Especially considering that both defenses are questionable when it comes to pass defense. New Orleans really lacks a pass rusher to upset Warner in the pocket and they really could use one. Warner is coming off a game where he had more touchdowns, 5, then incompletions, 4. Drew Brees is utterly ridiculous and could easily match Warner throw for throw. However the problem I have with the Saints is that they haven't won a game in a month, twice when their starters were out there. The Cowboys made them look vulnerable and the Buccaneers proved anyone could beat them at home. While I know that Boldin is probably still going to sit this one out, does it matter? Look at what Doucet and Breaston did last week. Not to mention the awesome TD celebration by Breaston (the Razor Ramon dance,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vN5CiElINSs kind of hard to see but just awesome).



Prediction: Fans of shootouts tune in! This one is going to be a back and forth game where you don't want to miss anything. Warner and Brees are the NFC's version of a Brady and Manning match up in the AFC. Meaning, as fans, this is a match up of possible hall of fame candidates. Each defense can be abused via the pass but its New Orleans run defense that is the issue. People forget how good the running game of the Cardinals actually is. Beanie Wells had 92 yards on 16 carries this past Sunday. That was against a highly ranked defense. Who knows what he will do against the Saints. Will the Superdome be exploding with excitement? Yes. Will the Saints put up a fight? Definetly. Will the Saints win? I'm not so sure. If it is a close game then the edge goes to the Saints because Neil Rackers has not been himself this season. We all know what the Cardinals did last year. They had a close game at home and then the blew out the number one seed. It could happen again. Cardinals win 35-14





Baltimore Ravens VS Indianapolis Colts



This is the only rematch from the regular season. The game in Baltimore was close but unfortunately the Ravens offense could never get going. Flacco turned the ball over in the red zone and Ed Reed tried to lateral a ball on an excellent return which resulted in a fumble recovered by the Colts. Needless to say, the Ravens gave the game to the Colts. The defense of the Ravens is always great at home but until last week against New England, hadn't impressed anyone on the road. Causing 4 turnovers tends to impress people. Can they play "giant killer" once again? Against the Colts they caused 3 turnovers and only gave up one big play to Garcon. If they do that, who knows what could happen.



Prediction: I will pretend to know what is going to happen. Peyton is well rested and honestly so is Joe Flacco. In their last game they played, each QB wasn't used to his full capacity. Ravens fans love themselves some Joe Flacco, they think he is the second coming(of who I have no idea, Testaverde?). When you look at the numbers for Flacco closely you notice he started hot, like the Ravens, but kinda trailed off throughout the season. His last great game was against the Bears when he threw 4 TDs. Currently, Flacco hasn't thrown a TD in his last two games. Not to mention that Heap was hobbling off the field last week which makes me a little nervous. Clayton making that stellar 17 yard grab does make me feel better for the future, as long as he keeps making plays. Sure, Ray Rice is going to run the ball. Willis McGahee (http://ravens.fandome.com/video/107758/Willis-McGahees-77-Yard-Saturday-Night-TD-Scamper/you got to be kiddin' me! click the link if you are totally clueless) will to. Hey, LeRon McClain might get a carry or two. Flacco is going to have to keep us in the game because we all know that Manning is going to hit at least one bomb to his play makers whether it be Clark, Wayne or Garcon. For the Ravens to win the Colts bombs have to miss their targets, control the clock to keep the ball out of Manning's hands and play lock down defense like last week. If the same team arrives in Indy that left New England, the Colts don't stand a chance. Ravens win 21-17





Dallas Cowboys VS Minnesota Vikings


Brett Favre has never beaten the Cowboys in the playoffs. Let's just say he never beat Troy Aikman in the playoffs. Considering he lost to them three years straight (93-95) when they were Super Bowl contenders. So that stat is a little misleading. Add to the fact that those games were all in Dallas back in the days when home field advantage mattered. Then you see my point. The modern era Cowboys are coming off their first playoff win since '96, a complete demolition of the Eagles, and are currently on a four game winning streak. This is one team even TE Visanthe Shiancoe told Dan Patrick that he didn't want to face. They are the hottest team in the NFC right now and have a lot of people talking about an upset. They have a strong defense and Demarcus Ware is playing out of his mind. On the offensive side of the ball, Romo to Austin seems to be working out a whole lot better then Romo to T.O. Romo isn't turning the ball over and is matriculating the ball down the field with ease lately. The thing that hasn't been proven by these Cowboys is that they haven't played a team with a top caliber running game during their 4 game tear. The Vikes have this guy named Adrian Peterson, I hear he is pretty good. The Boys secondary isn't overly impressive but if they get pressure on Favre he could make a lot of mistakes.


Prediction: Make no mistake about this one either, it is going to be great. In all honesty, the NFC games look better then the AFC. Both games could be close. Personally I don't want either team to win, as a former Niners fan I don't like Favre(read previous posts if you don't believe me) or the Cowboys. Since someone has to win I should probably analyze it a little bit. A lot of what Dallas can do in the passing game depends on whether Antoine Winfield is healthy or not. If he is it makes their secondary substantially better. I don't know who the Vikes played two weeks ago, it wasn't the Giants(they were on vacation clearly). They looked sharp in the game but they were playing a team with a draft pick to play for. Romo idolizes Favre and this will be their first ever meeting in the postseason. I don't know of the old man has any new tricks he can show his young protege. I do know that I would take Peterson over any of the backs in Dallas. He will have more rushing yards then the three headed monster (Felix Jones, Marion Barber III and Tashard Choice). Ray Rice proved that a good back can run all over this defense. I don't think any of these backs will do that against a charged Vikings squad. As far as the Vikings offense, short dip and dunk passes will work if Favre is being pressured considering the playmakers he has with Percy Harvin and Sidney Rice. Visanthe Shiancoe isn't bad in short yardage situations either. He is going to be a monster in the red zone for the Vikes. If you are doing fantasy during the playoffs, here is a sleeper for you. Scoop him up, I'm guessing he will have at least 1 TD. That is, if it isn't the Adrian Peterson show. If the game is close and it comes down to a field goal (a la the Ravens/Vikings game earlier in the season) give the edge to the Vikes. As the Cowboys are relying on someone who has cut by the Redskins. Yeah, those Redskins. Vikings win 31-24


New York Jets VS San Diego Chargers


Sorry Rex, your troops are not the Super Bowl favorite right now. Actually, most experts have the Chargers in the Super Bowl to represent the AFC. So why should I even analyze the game? I mean, game over man! Right? No, unfortunately its not that easy. I told you all the stats last week about the Jets, being the best NFL team this season in defense and running the ball. Then they went out and proved it against the Bengals. What surprised me was the Sanch-ise (Mark Sanchez) completing 80% of his passes and not turning the ball over. Oh yeah, he threw a TD as well. The Chargers, on the other hand, favor the pass. I don't think Vincent Jackson will be a factor this week since he will be visiting Revis Island. Darrelle Revis will shut him down. That isn't analysis as much as it is a known fact. What about LT, the electric glider himself? Will he be just as awful as his Nike viral video? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-owX-EAib8s)


Prediction: My thoughts are no he won't. If Cedric Benson can abuse this defense then so can LT. Rivers is the hottest QB in the league right now and will let everyone know it on Sunday afternoon. Will Revis pick him off? Possibly. It's not like for every Vincent Jackson there isn't another play maker out there. Can any of the Jets linebackers really cover Antonio Gates, LT or Darren Sproles? I don't think so. What about Malcolm Floyd, he has been massively improving throughout the season. During Rivers' off week in week 17 Floyd really shined. There are stellar players everywhere on the offensive side of the ball even though they have been dealing with injuries on their line and their defensive line. The defense throughout the season wasn't stellar. They were in the middle of the pack in most categories and were closer to the bottom of the league in rush defense. As we saw last week in Arizona, regular season stats don't matter. The Packers were second in the league in defense. We all know what happened there! The Jets are going to put up a fight, Rex Ryan won't let them quit. These Chargers are just too much to handle and I don't think Sanchez can string together two great performances in a row(he never did it during the regular season). Who does he think he is? Joe Flacco?!? Chargers win 35-21


I don't know how I will feel if I go perfect two weeks in a row. I may just have to call ESPN and tell them to hook me up. So spread the word readers about the king of all pick ems. Now if I go 0-4, disregard anything I have said. Honestly, I'm just BS-ing with you guys anyway. If you want to challenge me this week let me know your picks in the comment section. That is, if you got the guts!

So You Want to Play a Fantasy Sport

So you want to play a fantasy sport eh? Well I am here to assist you with the hardest thing involving doing just that.

No, I'm not going to tell you who you should pick with your first selection. No, I'm not going to tell you how to annihilate your friends. Although I could tell you how to get annihilated by your buddies. No, that is not what this post is about. My friends and readers alike, this is about the first thing your opponent sees every week. What haunts people's dreams and nightmares. What I am going to help you do folks is...name your team.

This may seem like a mundane and silly task to some. To others (Brandon Waters) it might seem a bit difficult to be creative and come up with your own stuff. I only tease since Brandon borrowed my Lethal Interception Crew name this past season. Unlike some people, I feel the need to change my name every year a la Chad Johnson/Ochocinco/Child Please/WhoGivesaCrap. All of which, in my opinion are awesome. To give you an idea of some of my team names...

B-Town Brawlers, Motherfuggin Snakes (Snakes on a Plane had just come out), AK-Forty Sevens("because when you have to kill every MFer in the room except no substitute", Sam Jackson in Jackie Brown...paraphrased a little, got to keep it clean for the kids), Lethal Interception Crew (Boondocks reference), Team Awesome-O (lame but come on, South Park rules and the league name was battle for awesomeness), A Team Named Slickback (you have to say the whole name, its like A Tribe Called Quest, another Boondocks reference) and Glorious Basterds (because Quentin Tarantino owns my soul).

Now that you have some examples you can steal them or use these few helpful tips.

1. Personnel Related Team Name

• As a fan of Chinese food and Pork Fried Rice, this season in my ESPN league , I thought about calling my team Gore Fried Rice (I had Frank Gore and Ray Rice). I have heard some classics throughout the years like Brady's Bunch, I Just Addai'd in Your Arms Tonight(personal favorite) or The Wieter-Mobile(which is just more proof how awesome Matt Wieters is. My buddy called his team this in our fantasy football league this past season and needless to say he won the championship via epic beatdown proportions). Now some I haven't seen are I'm a Manning I'm 40 (or if you have Matt Forte and a Manning, I'm a Manning I'm Forte), A Rivers Runs Through It, Open the Flood Gates, 64 Calories of MJD or Our Lord Breesus Christ. There are millions of possibilities.

2. Chappelle's Show/Boondocks/South Park/Your Favorite TV Show References

• If you aren't a fan of those selected above it is no big deal. However I have used some references from these shows and have many stored in my memory to use in the future. I haven't used all of these but here are some that can be used - The Playa Hatas, What the 5 Fingas Said to the Face(or just name your team Slap!), Team Named Slickback, Lethal Interception Crew, The Group of Flunkees, We Pee on You, Wu Tang Financial, A MFin Shark Ate Me, I Like Fishsticks, I Made Chili from Ur Parents (South Park reference in case you don't know) and the list could go on for days. Those who know me are probably shocked to not see Family Guy or Simpson references but again, this list could go on for daaaaaaaaaaays.

3. Samuel L. "MFin" Jackson Quotes

• Who Sucks? Not Me!, Motherfuggin Snakes, Yes You Deserve to Lose, I Hope You Burn in Hell, AK-Forty Sevens, Ezekiel 25:17, The Ones who Say Bad MFer on Them and honestly there are endless possibilities. Personally, avoid Black Snake Moan quotes. Most people won't want to admit they watched that movie. If you have a favorite movie of the legend that is SLJ, even if it is Black Snake Moan, take your favorite quote from the movie and make it your team name. In my opinion, it is a fantasy team name win!

4. Pop Culture References

• This can be anything current in our culture. For example, this past season my girl named her team shankapotami because of the E-Trade commercials where the baby calls the guy a shankapotomus. As you read above I named a team Glorious Basterds because readers, "business was-ah boomin'!" This method takes a little humor/creativity. I mean to get one of these all you have to do is watch the ole boob tube.

5. Sports Movie References

• In case of emergency, break open sports movie references. Since I am a fantasy football guy most of my examples are football movies but there is an enormous amount of awesome sport movies that can be referenced. Of course, I will give examples. Necessary Roughness, The Wildcats, The Program, Remember the Titans (Dismembering Titans is also a good one), The Express, Hoosiers (Whoosiers...ooo real creative right?), The Hustlers, We Got Game, I mean I could do this all day. Just like the Sam Jackson quotes, pick a favorite and run with it.

6. Music Group References

• Another never ending list is possible here where you could pick a top musician/group and just go with the flow. Perhaps I may touch on one of your favorites and you can just pilfer one of my ideas. A Tribe on a Quest(stolen from Brandon Waters), RZA the Razors(Razaz), Young Clean Gentlemen (a play on O.D.B. for those who don't know), Ghostface Killahs(spell it however you want), Who Tang Clan, MegaDEATH, Mos Def...inetly Champ, The Funky Homosapiens(Del), Beasts of Boys, Inspectah Deck You in the Face, BBD (Big Bad Dudes), Big Punishers, Disastrous Peoples, Quannum Emcees, Jedi Mind Trix and many many others. Just push the creativity button in that big brain of yours and use it with one of your favorites.

7. Support Your Team/City/Favorite Player

• Whether supporting a favorite team/player by showing them love or hate for a rival, representing a hometown/current city or dissing the location of said hated rival. However it can be done is fine. Some examples seen/used are CowboyKillaz, Ravenssuck(what makes me mad is the dude who named his team that won our league the first season we played fantasy), BlitzBerg, The Steel Curtain, Purple People Eaters, Bmore Brawlers, Urlached-in, and Ray of Light (or now maybe Ray of Rice) are just a few. Either way you go is a victory.

8. Self Promotion

• GETS YOU A MUTE! All Around The Horn references aside, this is one way to talk yourself up in your league. Have you won it all in your league? Won 8 games in a row (some sites let you change your team name anytime, as many times as you want)? Won trophies? Want a trophy? Make it known with a self promotion team name. Something like The Repeater, ThreePeat, I Own You, Complete Pwnage, Johnny 2 Time Champ (can't go wrong with a Goodfellas reference), 8 is GRRREAT, Get a Broom (since I'm sweeping the floor with you, BOO YAH! SWEET SASSY MOLASSEY!), Beatdown Central, Central Beatdown Authority (we authorize the right, to put a whoopin' on you!), etc. etc. Honestly, how would you like to mock your friends and boost your own esteem. Then insert said phrase as your team name and voila, you got yourself a self promotion team name. Now give yourself a pat on the back, you earned it!

9. Self Mockery

• Or did you earn it? Since I haven't earned squat in Yahoo or ESPN, this is going to be my route of choice when it comes to my team name. I am thinking that since I can make it to the playoffs and then choke, I could call my team the December Swooners or Cowboys Circa 2006. If I could get to the championship game repeatedly and lose...I would call my boys the Illadelphia Spiegels. Sorry Philly, haven't won a big game in football/basketball in a long time (woo Phils is what they will say). If those don't tickle your fancy, try these gems on for size. The Baltimorons (sure why not mock your hometown and your knowledge of football, Bea!), No Trophy No Problem, Playoff Pretenders, Suck-ond Place, Legendarily Bad or Can I Get A Little Less Suck. The harder you make it on yourself through a team name the more laughs people will get out of it. You might snicker a little to. Don't lie, you know you will.

10. Inside Jokes

• I don't know if you have any inside jokes with friends, especially those you play fantasy football/baseball/hockey/basketball/badminton/whatever with. Odds are you have one or two that may be able to get twisted into a team name. They could even mock someone. Know of a time a buddy used a horrible pick up line on a girl? Hey, if you remember the line, throw it in there. For example, a friend of a friend was down on the boardwalk in Ocean City, MD. His line(s) were, Hey You in the Yellow/My Watch is Nice. Two separate lines but both with the same result. Being ignored. At the time it was a pretty funny moment. Inside jokes are great to have with your friends and should always be revisited as often as possible. Especially if they mock your opponent because isn't that what fantasy sports are all about? The more you know, now cue the star to shoot over my head.

Some of you are going to say, "That's too many characters for my team name!" Well who's fault is that? Certainly not mine. Besides, who relies on some dude typing his thoughts on some lame blog to name their team anyway? Who? I'll tell you who! Not me!