I'd like you to meet Nelson Jackson...er Steven Cruz...no wait

Ladies, gentlemen and fantasy nerds alike. I would like you to meet Nelson Cruz (on the left above). Those who own him (and his nagging hamstring injury) feel my pain. Also if those same folks play fantasy football, they could see why I would compare him to Steven Jackson. However for those who may not be familiar.

Nelson Cruz plays right field for the first place (surprisingly) Texas Rangers. If it weren't for Josh Hamilton he would be the best outfielder(possibly player) on the team. Cruz has been a monster this season, starting off with a .323 BA, .419 OBP, 7 HR, and 17 RBI in April before his first stint on the DL. Which shut him down until mid-May. Cruz burst back into the lineup only going hitless in 2 games before his second visit to the DL. A mere 14 days(13 games) later. This 2nd visit to the DL felt like an eternity but was only 3 weeks. The Rangers took more precautions due to his quickness to reinjure his hamstring previously. Leaving him on the DL an extra week so he could properly heal(and maybe learn how to stretch during pregame). His second return did not see the same results as his prior one. Cruz only managed 1 homerun in the first two weeks of his return, with several hitless games. However his return lasted much longer (nearly two months!) before breaking at least my heart. His last 4 games were insane before ripping my heart out a la Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom. After 3 straight hitless games, Cruz rewarded royal owners going 7 for 17 with a HR and 3 RBI's before his third stint on the DL. Right in time for the playoff race. Thanks Nelson! If these comments sound familiar to you than perhaps Steven Jackson is a familiar name.

Add to the fact that any fantasy obsessor has drafts coming up (or already in progress/completed) for fantasy football. One should discuss the value of Steven Jackson. Who only missed one game last season(unlike previous seasons) however his performance plummeted, at least in the TD department. He only had 4 last season. He is the best weapon on a porous Rams offense that ranked 29th in the NFL last season in total offense and - thanks to Jackson - 20th in rushing. Most fantasy geeks like myself avoid Jackson due to his previous seasons (2007 & 2008) when he missed 4 games and his production went down tremendously. Everyone went crazy for Jackson after his stellar 2006 season. I know, I drafted him in 2007. He now is blacklisted from my fantasy teams. That is, unless I am desperate. Ever since then I have seen him drop as low as the fifth round before someone took him. If he goes that long this year, I may have to pull the trigger. Or I could always take a chance on Jahvid Best. If Jackson is around in the 3rd round don't be surprised. I suppose the biggest difference between Jackson and Cruz (other than the sport they play) is their ranking on their respective teams as the best player. Cruz could be seen as second or even third after Josh Hamilton and Vladimir Guerrero. While Jackson is clearly the best weapon on the Rams.

All this leads to the fact that Cruz is only one day away from coming back to the Rangers and my fantasy lineup. Or so I hope. My outfield by committee since then hasn't been great. As long as someone teaches Cruz the art of stretching his hamstring throughout the game (during pregame and every inning, seriously, we need you healthy Nelson!), I think all is well.

Pretty Bird

Okay, seriously everyone, say it with me. Woo sah. There do you feel better? We are still 7-21(8-21 after the win against the Twins) coming off back to back sweeps (one of us in New York and one against the Red Sox at home) and I have heard two totally different reactions in a matter of days.

Let's be realistic. Who honestly thought the O's would be better then fourth place this season? If you nodded your head, raised your hand or even thought for a second that your answer would qualify as a yes then please hit yourself.

Better now? Yes I admit, I had high hopes, I had concerns but in no way am I going to say, "Get rid of everyone, start anew and start spending money!" Wake up folks, before MacPhail came to town we did that. We threw money at anyone or anything that resembled a major leaguer. Making us to look like we were going to contend. Whether it was Palmeiro, Tejada (the first time, not now, its a favor now), Kevin Brown, Albert Belle, Sidney Ponson(who is in the top 10 of Oriole pitching statistics, strikeouts - he is number 1 in sucking) the list goes on and on. We have been losing ever since Angelos couldn't handle Davey Johnson's ego and fired him after the 1997 season.

Some current fans of the O's have no idea that we were once good, on steroids (allegedly), but still a very competitive team. Ever since Davey Johnson's departure we have been a losing team struggling with its identity. Now I am not saying we shouldn't be upset about the current state of the O's but let's take a step back, relax. I heard one caller on a radio show say we should get rid of Adam Jones because of his porous BA since May of last year (.215) and inability to stay healthy. Sure, let's give up on a gold glover whose batting average reflects being shifted around in the lineup so much in his career. I like Trembley but when it comes to Jones he never has been able to keep him in a specific spot in the lineup. This year it is due to the Brian Roberts injury. Other than Roberts, who can fill our leadoff spot? Its very easy for me to flip flop Jones and Markakis in the lineup. Put Jones in the 3 spot with Markakis batting second, once Roberts returns of course. Markakis hits for average better then power and Jones clearly hits for power.

Do the Orioles need to clean house and start fresh? No. Will we fire Trembley after the season? Oh yes, the only way he saves his job is by some miraculous finish. Will we win any more series' against the Red Sox? No, if we win in Fenway the team may get lynched. Personally I think we should pick up the option on Rojo Johnson (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haHlFA_bDkI), I mean we need middle relief help. Right?

Besides, its only a few months until the Ravens open up camp. So, go Ravens!

10 Things You're Thinking About Before the Orioles Season Starts

Perhaps non-Oriole fans aren't asking these questions but we as Oriole nation are asking them. Why 10? We are the tenth man after all. Plus I can't completely rip off MLB Networks Prime 9. These are ten things that should be on the minds of us, the fans of "dem O's". Or as some of us may have affectionately called them the "d' O's" (a play on Homer Simpsons "D'oh!"). So unlike a Tiger Woods press conference, let's get to the questions.

1. Did we really sign Miguel Tejada?

• What is he like 40? Honestly we don't know. All false birth certificates and b-12 injection jokes aside, he is still a decent player. Most of us are familiar with Josh Bell, who the O's acquired in the George Sherrill trade at the deadline last season from the Dodgers. If you aren't, know he is the future at third base. Which is why Mora is now in Colorado and Tejada is just filler at the position until Bell is ready. Bell passed the AA test last season when he belted 20 homers and had a respected .295 avg. This isn't a question about Bell. Tejada was a doubles machine last season when he had 46 of them while batting .313 in 158 games. Yes, the homerun numbers are down but that is not why we got him. We have more then enough power without Tejada. With him we have depth at SS in case of another Izturis injury and a solid veteran in our clubhouse. Hopefully he is in better spirits then a few years ago when he left for a "winning franchise" in Houston. Which he should be, considering he signed here. I mean, what were his other options, the Nationals? More then likely Tejada will split time at third, shortstop and DH.

2. Will the lineup be any good?

• We are the projected fifth best lineup in baseball. So let's go with yes. We have the best outfield in the American League East in my opinion with two gold glove caliber players in Jones and Markakis. Add the young Reimold in the mix and we are solid in the outfield. Where are we going to put Pie? He will get his time as well more then likely in left or in center to give Jones a break. Still our starting lineup will probably look something like this. Roberts(2b), Markakis (RF), Jones (CF), Scott (DH), Reimold (LF), Wieters(C), Tejada(3b), Atkins (1B), Izturis (SS). Listed in batting order of course. If this is how the opening day lineup looks I wouldn't be surprised but Reimold and Jones could flip flop or Wieters could move up. Some people have Jones predicted as hitting seventh in our lineup. We shall see what Spring Training shows in our young players like Wieters and Reimold. If they perform well, Jones batting seventh could be a reality.

3. Will anyone hit 30 homers?

• Yes, Matt Wieters...from both sides of the plate! (That was for you Antoine!) All MattWietersfacts.com-like jokes aside, we didn't have one last year. We may not have one this year. If Scott stays healthy all season he is our best bet unless of course someone from our youth movement shows up. Considering that Markakis is more likely to hit .300 then hit 30 homers, I doubt it.

4. Will Brian Matusz be in our starting rotation on opening day?

• Well, he is the fifth best prospect in baseball and has experience from last year. Still with rookie status so he could be a serious contender for rookie of the year. At this point he has had two bullpen sessions down in Sarasota and is feeling good. Working in curveballs and improving his two seamer to his sessions. Most importantly, looking forward to touring ballparks again with his budding bromance, Chris Tillman. The comradery in this young group of pitchers really stands out, hopefully their performance does as well.

5. Will any pitcher win 15 games?

• My confidence levels are high with this one. While we did have a 17 game loser last year, ironically enough this was also the team leader in wins (10, Guthrie). The last 15 game winner we had was Mr. Personality himself, Erik Bedard back in 2006. Please, someone win 15 so that I never have to say that again. While Bedard was a dominant pitcher, his injuries have seemed to dominate him ever since he left Baltimore. Sorry I couldn't hear the smallest violin playing over Adam Jones and George Sherrill being all stars/awesome. So by playing 6 degrees of separation, Bedard won a gold glove last season for the O's playing centerfield. Way to go!

6. Can we have more than 1 player in the All Star game?

• Nothing against Adam Jones, he deserved to go last year (hello I wrote a blog supporting that!), but it would be nice to see more O's in the game. I know Markakis will never start in the All Star game as long as Ichiro is playing which I am okay with. I would take him being an alternate this season. In all honesty, Matt Wieters might be our best option to make the team in addition to anyone else. Considering how weak the AL is with catchers, as long as he performs he could do it. Especially since he is more widely known then others. Yes, I know Varitek will start no matter his stats, thank you Red Sox nation, but Wieters could be the backup. Considering Joe Girardi (an AL East manager) will be coaching the team and seeing Wieters on a regular. Who knows? I don't see you taking a stab at the All Star guessing game. What is more likely is that Jones will repeat or Markakis will make his first appearance. Since those two were the highest O's on the ballot last season.

7. Who will we trade by the deadline?

• Don't be surprised if it is Miguel Tejada. Expiring contract, decent hitter, plays solid defense and would have no issues being traded to a winning team. I mean, it's not likely that we would trade him within our own division for obvious reasons. With Jeter in New York, Scutaro in Boston and Bartlett in Tampa Bay. Lord knows the Blue Jays aren't going to be buyers in July. So why would they give up talent they recently acquired in the Halladay deal? There are teams in the NL that might look at Tejada seriously, maybe the Cubs.

8. Should I pay my money to watch these guys?

• I know times are hard but if you are a fan of baseball and the O's, get out to the Yard! Without sounding like or better than a PR person for the team, this could be the season they turn it around. If you are one of those fans that wants to see a win, go early in the season as we tail off towards the end the past few years. The young talent is really fun to watch and there is a 90% chance you are going to see someone in our outfield make a spectacular play. If Pie is out there...that lowers the percentage. I'm not saying to just go to Red Sox/Yankee games. No matter how many I tell to come, there is a 100% chance Orioles fans will be outnumbered. Nats games are always fun since you will never hear this from any of them, "Remember how awesome we were when we went to the playoffs/won the World Series?" Or the newly updated "27!" Seriously, we have seen the shirt and look Yankee fans, we know. Blah blah blah dynasty. Remember your best player in history was from Baltimore. So, SUCK ON THAT!

9. Are we going to matter in the AL bEast?

• You know what, we just might. I know the term of "this year's Rays" is being thrown our direction but that is the thing. That was only two years ago. No one was saying that about any team minus people mocking the Devil Rays. Maybe if we change the team name to just O's then life will be simpler. So we can all watch sportscasters and reporters alike say, "how bout them Oriole....er I mean O's!" The biggest concern of every fan is our pitching. While I can't say I am happy to be older then half of the staff, at least for a change I can say I'm not more talented (oooo diss!). Games will be decided by our bullpen due to our staff's youth so right now that is my biggest concern. If our starters can have quality starts and perform like all the experts think they can we may be able to snag a wild card spot.

10. Wait, a wild card spot? Brandan, what are you smoking/drinking?

• Uhm, hope? Luck? Andy MacPhail's spiked punch? Realistically I have us as the third team in the division. Above .500 for the first time in years. The Blue Jays are probably going to take fifth which has to be expected losing the talent they have over the past few years. The Rays are hoping, like us, that their young pitchers can lead them toward another winning season and hopefully the playoffs. I like ours as opposed to theirs. I am bias though. However, major league hitters have seen Price and seem to handle him well. He did not perform well as a starter last year after looking stellar in the playoffs when they went to the World Series. Plus, we have the third best lineup in the division. The only position, offensively that is, where power numbers will not matchup is first and third base. I highly doubt Tejada and Atkins. If Atkins from 2007 or 2008 shows up, then I will stand corrected. Give him some time with Terry Crowley, who has turned a lot of people around in his time. Here is hoping the baseball experts are wrong and Atkins is not past his prime.

So there it is. I am sure there are other questions that people may be asking and if there are any that you guys have feel free to post them in the comments. I will answer them as quickly as I can. Thanks for reading and I look forward to BSing with you in the future. Until next time. GO O's!

So You Want to Play a Fantasy Sport

So you want to play a fantasy sport eh? Well I am here to assist you with the hardest thing involving doing just that.

No, I'm not going to tell you who you should pick with your first selection. No, I'm not going to tell you how to annihilate your friends. Although I could tell you how to get annihilated by your buddies. No, that is not what this post is about. My friends and readers alike, this is about the first thing your opponent sees every week. What haunts people's dreams and nightmares. What I am going to help you do folks is...name your team.

This may seem like a mundane and silly task to some. To others (Brandon Waters) it might seem a bit difficult to be creative and come up with your own stuff. I only tease since Brandon borrowed my Lethal Interception Crew name this past season. Unlike some people, I feel the need to change my name every year a la Chad Johnson/Ochocinco/Child Please/WhoGivesaCrap. All of which, in my opinion are awesome. To give you an idea of some of my team names...

B-Town Brawlers, Motherfuggin Snakes (Snakes on a Plane had just come out), AK-Forty Sevens("because when you have to kill every MFer in the room except no substitute", Sam Jackson in Jackie Brown...paraphrased a little, got to keep it clean for the kids), Lethal Interception Crew (Boondocks reference), Team Awesome-O (lame but come on, South Park rules and the league name was battle for awesomeness), A Team Named Slickback (you have to say the whole name, its like A Tribe Called Quest, another Boondocks reference) and Glorious Basterds (because Quentin Tarantino owns my soul).

Now that you have some examples you can steal them or use these few helpful tips.

1. Personnel Related Team Name

• As a fan of Chinese food and Pork Fried Rice, this season in my ESPN league , I thought about calling my team Gore Fried Rice (I had Frank Gore and Ray Rice). I have heard some classics throughout the years like Brady's Bunch, I Just Addai'd in Your Arms Tonight(personal favorite) or The Wieter-Mobile(which is just more proof how awesome Matt Wieters is. My buddy called his team this in our fantasy football league this past season and needless to say he won the championship via epic beatdown proportions). Now some I haven't seen are I'm a Manning I'm 40 (or if you have Matt Forte and a Manning, I'm a Manning I'm Forte), A Rivers Runs Through It, Open the Flood Gates, 64 Calories of MJD or Our Lord Breesus Christ. There are millions of possibilities.

2. Chappelle's Show/Boondocks/South Park/Your Favorite TV Show References

• If you aren't a fan of those selected above it is no big deal. However I have used some references from these shows and have many stored in my memory to use in the future. I haven't used all of these but here are some that can be used - The Playa Hatas, What the 5 Fingas Said to the Face(or just name your team Slap!), Team Named Slickback, Lethal Interception Crew, The Group of Flunkees, We Pee on You, Wu Tang Financial, A MFin Shark Ate Me, I Like Fishsticks, I Made Chili from Ur Parents (South Park reference in case you don't know) and the list could go on for days. Those who know me are probably shocked to not see Family Guy or Simpson references but again, this list could go on for daaaaaaaaaaays.

3. Samuel L. "MFin" Jackson Quotes

• Who Sucks? Not Me!, Motherfuggin Snakes, Yes You Deserve to Lose, I Hope You Burn in Hell, AK-Forty Sevens, Ezekiel 25:17, The Ones who Say Bad MFer on Them and honestly there are endless possibilities. Personally, avoid Black Snake Moan quotes. Most people won't want to admit they watched that movie. If you have a favorite movie of the legend that is SLJ, even if it is Black Snake Moan, take your favorite quote from the movie and make it your team name. In my opinion, it is a fantasy team name win!

4. Pop Culture References

• This can be anything current in our culture. For example, this past season my girl named her team shankapotami because of the E-Trade commercials where the baby calls the guy a shankapotomus. As you read above I named a team Glorious Basterds because readers, "business was-ah boomin'!" This method takes a little humor/creativity. I mean to get one of these all you have to do is watch the ole boob tube.

5. Sports Movie References

• In case of emergency, break open sports movie references. Since I am a fantasy football guy most of my examples are football movies but there is an enormous amount of awesome sport movies that can be referenced. Of course, I will give examples. Necessary Roughness, The Wildcats, The Program, Remember the Titans (Dismembering Titans is also a good one), The Express, Hoosiers (Whoosiers...ooo real creative right?), The Hustlers, We Got Game, I mean I could do this all day. Just like the Sam Jackson quotes, pick a favorite and run with it.

6. Music Group References

• Another never ending list is possible here where you could pick a top musician/group and just go with the flow. Perhaps I may touch on one of your favorites and you can just pilfer one of my ideas. A Tribe on a Quest(stolen from Brandon Waters), RZA the Razors(Razaz), Young Clean Gentlemen (a play on O.D.B. for those who don't know), Ghostface Killahs(spell it however you want), Who Tang Clan, MegaDEATH, Mos Def...inetly Champ, The Funky Homosapiens(Del), Beasts of Boys, Inspectah Deck You in the Face, BBD (Big Bad Dudes), Big Punishers, Disastrous Peoples, Quannum Emcees, Jedi Mind Trix and many many others. Just push the creativity button in that big brain of yours and use it with one of your favorites.

7. Support Your Team/City/Favorite Player

• Whether supporting a favorite team/player by showing them love or hate for a rival, representing a hometown/current city or dissing the location of said hated rival. However it can be done is fine. Some examples seen/used are CowboyKillaz, Ravenssuck(what makes me mad is the dude who named his team that won our league the first season we played fantasy), BlitzBerg, The Steel Curtain, Purple People Eaters, Bmore Brawlers, Urlached-in, and Ray of Light (or now maybe Ray of Rice) are just a few. Either way you go is a victory.

8. Self Promotion

• GETS YOU A MUTE! All Around The Horn references aside, this is one way to talk yourself up in your league. Have you won it all in your league? Won 8 games in a row (some sites let you change your team name anytime, as many times as you want)? Won trophies? Want a trophy? Make it known with a self promotion team name. Something like The Repeater, ThreePeat, I Own You, Complete Pwnage, Johnny 2 Time Champ (can't go wrong with a Goodfellas reference), 8 is GRRREAT, Get a Broom (since I'm sweeping the floor with you, BOO YAH! SWEET SASSY MOLASSEY!), Beatdown Central, Central Beatdown Authority (we authorize the right, to put a whoopin' on you!), etc. etc. Honestly, how would you like to mock your friends and boost your own esteem. Then insert said phrase as your team name and voila, you got yourself a self promotion team name. Now give yourself a pat on the back, you earned it!

9. Self Mockery

• Or did you earn it? Since I haven't earned squat in Yahoo or ESPN, this is going to be my route of choice when it comes to my team name. I am thinking that since I can make it to the playoffs and then choke, I could call my team the December Swooners or Cowboys Circa 2006. If I could get to the championship game repeatedly and lose...I would call my boys the Illadelphia Spiegels. Sorry Philly, haven't won a big game in football/basketball in a long time (woo Phils is what they will say). If those don't tickle your fancy, try these gems on for size. The Baltimorons (sure why not mock your hometown and your knowledge of football, Bea!), No Trophy No Problem, Playoff Pretenders, Suck-ond Place, Legendarily Bad or Can I Get A Little Less Suck. The harder you make it on yourself through a team name the more laughs people will get out of it. You might snicker a little to. Don't lie, you know you will.

10. Inside Jokes

• I don't know if you have any inside jokes with friends, especially those you play fantasy football/baseball/hockey/basketball/badminton/whatever with. Odds are you have one or two that may be able to get twisted into a team name. They could even mock someone. Know of a time a buddy used a horrible pick up line on a girl? Hey, if you remember the line, throw it in there. For example, a friend of a friend was down on the boardwalk in Ocean City, MD. His line(s) were, Hey You in the Yellow/My Watch is Nice. Two separate lines but both with the same result. Being ignored. At the time it was a pretty funny moment. Inside jokes are great to have with your friends and should always be revisited as often as possible. Especially if they mock your opponent because isn't that what fantasy sports are all about? The more you know, now cue the star to shoot over my head.

Some of you are going to say, "That's too many characters for my team name!" Well who's fault is that? Certainly not mine. Besides, who relies on some dude typing his thoughts on some lame blog to name their team anyway? Who? I'll tell you who! Not me!