It is pretty easy to hate this team. Unlike the Raiders (even though they have looked surprisingly not terrible) the Browns are a division rival of a town our team "migrated" from. While I do utterly enjoy their awful ability (most of the time) to play the game of football, there are times where they do surprise us. Unfortunately, that doesn't make me hate them any less.
1) They act like Art Modell was Robert Irsay
First of all, shut up. Second of all, shut up. I mean, the man moved a team with plenty of notice and let the city keep the history. Sure, I know it sucks that the team left. Let's be real, if they stayed in Cleveland they weren't going to win the Super Bowl like the Ravens did. Unless this is an alternate universe and your team was actually good. It has gotten to the point where a fan went to his grave and relieved himself on it. I mean, that is class with a capital GFY. Kids tell your parents to google that one. Anyway, Modell and Irsay aren't in the same conversation. When a man leaves you in the middle of the night with no notice and runs off with a franchise you call me you whiny losers!
Wait don't, I don't think I have enough anytime minutes.
2) Viewing Johnny Manziel like the team drafted the G.O.A.T.
Watching this poor over privileged kid suffer his bumps and bruises is very amusing. Mostly because it just means the Browns have no idea what to do. The thing that got me was ESPNs wall to wall coverage of the kid. WHY? I mean, let's just be honest with ourselves. I am! I know that Ozzie Newsome can't draft a top tier wideout. Everything else, sure. The modern day Browns CAN'T draft and develop a quarterback. Let's look at your craptacular history with the second coming. Just since 2009 you have had 12 quarterbacks start, (22 since you reentered the league in 1999). You have ruined the lives of Brady Quinn, Tim Couch, Brandon Weeden and Colt McCoy just to name a few. Do yourself a favor and pick up from the trash heap of the rest of the league and leave the drafting of QBs to the professionals. Morons!
3) They think they are going to the playoffs every year
I'm all for supporting your team. We had lovable losers for 14 straight seasons over at Camden Yards. We accepted their inability to win until they actually were playing well IN THE END OF THE SEASON! I don't care if your P.O.S. team is playing well up until week 4. They more than likely have a new coach who hasn't proven squat and neither has upper management. When they still matter in week 10, fine. When I see their fans going ape after 4 weeks of the season and they are miraculously in first (obviously not this year but for example, 2013 when the Steelers were 0-4). Easy Romeo. You're team isn't consistent enough to brag at all. Let nature take it's course and have the season smash their head with a rock.
4) The Dog...Dawg...Duhog...whatever pound
Look, I don't get it. I don't understand the association with dogs and your team. It makes no damn sense. Most of you are wearing those stupid, glum dog masks. What's your deal? Ugly face? Big Arsenio Hall fan? Not wanting to be seen at a Browns game perhaps? Either way, I'm going to need you to give me a history lesson to tie the two together. Wait, scratch that, I don't care. Enjoy watching hot garbage on the field loser.
5) Cleveland does NOT in fact, rock
I've never been to Cleveland but I hear it's pretty awful there. Oooooo the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame....and we're done sight seeing. I mean, you can try and blame Lebron leaving on effecting the downtown area but he's back now so you can't blame Lebron for anything....can you? Your best known for being utter failures so if you could just keep doing that that would be great. Stay crappy Cleveland!
Man, the hate is strong. That wraps up this edition. Think I took it easy on them? Feel free to jump in the comments with your suggestions for more hate towards Cleveland. It's so easy, even a caveman could do it.
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