Nonetheless, the hate shall flow through me...
1) It's a dry heat...
First of all, its f-ing hot. Let's just leave it at that. This isn't a damn Science class where I need you to explain the humidity differences and blah blah. It's 100+, I don't wanna hear that crap. It's like the most common thing you hear about when people talk about traveling or living in Arizona. Convos go like this..
"Hey buddy, where did you say you went on vacation?"
"We went out west to Arizona."
"Oh man, was it hot?"
"Yeah but it's different, it's a dry heat."
Shut up, just shut the hell up. Talk about the desert, or the desserts you had in the desert you non-spelling fools. Just stop talking about the damn heat.
2) They literally die on our fantasy roster
I have been playing fantasy sports for what feels like an eternity. Without a shadow of a doubt, every damn time I draft a Cardinal player with some upside he gets hurt. Yes, it's usually a running back. I to this day would still punch Tim Hightower in the face. That goalline vulture was fantastic for me in his rookie season. So I kept getting him, injury, poor performance lose job. In recent years it has been Andre Ellington. Oh what's that? You drafted one of the infinite quarterbacks they had in recent memory? Well I mean, they only had three start last year. Oh you drafted their stellar defense? Their leading pass rusher gets hurt. It's like Bad Luck Brian with this team. Drafts Andre Ellington, Tears ACL in Week 2.
3) They didn't beat the Steelers in Super Bowl XLIII
This would give the Steelers their 6th championship and an infinite amount of time to talk trash until someone wins a 6th or we go 2-14 with both wins being against the Steelers. That would be awful for everyone involved. However, this also gave us the longest play in Super Bowl history as we all got to time James Harrison scamper (huff, puff and nearly die) on his 100 yard return. My wife lost her mind...I just had to sit there and smile. In case you forgot (enjoy the Madden flashback)
Thanks again for that memory Arizona(and Kurt Warner). You let us down.
4) For the first time in as long as I can remember, we were a sure thing to bet against
Okay, you aren't ignorant. There are gamblers out there and prognosticators who pick games for a living. Generally, if you don't know how it works, they pick a few games and then will pick their "locks of the week," "guarandamntee of the week," "sure thing of the week," or "we ran out of creative ways to say this pick of the week." This week on ESPN, one of their talking heads (might have been cousin Sal from Jimmy Kimmel) dropped the Cardinals as his sure thing this week. Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think the man has a bad choice there. We are god awful and this Arizona defense is relentless. That being said....it still pissed me off. Being a bad team sucks.
5) Larry Fitzgerald has found the fountain of youth
Remember when his decline meant the end of his career? Well, so much for that. He has been on a stellar run (which while great for my fantasy team sucks for my actual team). Fitz is starting to look like he will have one of those Steve Smith Sr. seasons like Smith had last year. Great for about half the season (like if you have Fitz on fantasy you should have traded him 2 weeks ago) and then fall off. Honestly he has already started to. I assure you that he will gain "man among bitches" status for this game as our secondary is lackluster to say the least. This team is full of weapons as it is, honestly two is three too many for the Ravens secondary to worry about.
Well there you have it. No matter how much our team falters, I will still hate with the best of them. Although, I have to say, we might be due for a list of things that are pissing me off about the Ravens. I'm an equal opportunity hater. I damn near hate everyone! Until we hate again.
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