10 Things I Have Learned About Fantasy Football

So after my improbable dismissal from the ONLY league I was eligible for a championship, I thought I should pass along a little advice. This also could be considered a cry for help to the man who utterly owned me this week (he had Ray Rice, Andre Johnson, Buffalo defense and Jay Feely), I hate you. Hate is such a strong word, despise sounds better.

So the top 10 things I have learned about Fantasy Football...

10) I am the Dallas Cowboys of Fantasy Football

Yeah I know I am an 8 win team in the regular season but let's face it, I just can't win in any format besides CBS. I would fire my coach but I just don't have the heart. I like him too much. Besides, he is great in the regular season!

9) Don't believe the hype of last year

This is directed at Steve Slaton. He utterly killed me this year. I drafted him as my second back to Maurice Jones Drew. I love MJD and would pick him again in a second. However I will be against having Slaton on my team ever....EVER...AGAIN! He is now added to the banned player list which leads me to..

8) Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice...

Without completely mocking "Dubbya", I can never be fooled again. Previous drafts for me lead me to my banned from my team list. On that list is, Steven Jackson, Larry Johnson and Drew Brees. Why Drew Brees? I don't want to ruin his career. He is only great for me when he is on my bench. Call it voodoo, call it whatever you will, Drew Brees will not be on my roster. I like him too much.

7) Time to invite my buddies significant others

Previously to this season I haven't had to live down the infamous, "Dude even your girl made it further then you!" In my defense my girlfriend actually does follow football and knows 99% of the players and all of which who are on her roster. However my aunt doesn't even know who Adrian Peterson is. "I just drafted who was at the top of the list, who is this Adrian Peterson guy?" Also she once picked Kyle Boller and said that Yahoo! suggested it. NO ONE BELIEVES YOU! She always makes the playoffs! ALWAYS! Ignorance is bliss I suppose.

6) In case of emergency...

I have known this after my first season when I watched another team fall apart. However my lesson didn't stick this year when I dropped Jonathan Stewart who I had drafted for this very rule. If you draft Ronnie Brown, Deangelo Williams, Brian Westbrook, Larry Johnson or Steven Jackson grab their backup later in the draft(like you will for Stewart, Ricky Williams or Lesean McCoy). If not that at least keep an eye on the waiver wire because other owners are vultures. They love to watch you squirm and panic.

5) Do you want to play the repeater?

Do you want to play the repeater? All Super Troopers quotes aside, no one ever has a repeat performance of the previous season. Who here wants to drive to Atlanta to punch Michael Turner in the face? Well, maybe not that since he is bigger then you. But don't you want to kick him in the shin? No, because he could sue. Don't you want to write him a nasty e-mail? There it is. Don't draft a guy who has a blow up season the year before and expect the same results. If Brady and Manning can't do it, who can? These are just some shenanigans, no one likes my shenanigans, oooooh silly shenanigans! Or you could go to that place with all the crap on the walls and the mozzarella sticks. (too many references for you, TOO BAD)

4) There are exactly 10 QBs worth their weight in gold

Maybe not even that but what I mean by this is that there are only a few quarterbacks that are going to average double digit points for you. Everyone knows a few (Brees, Manning, Favre, Rivers, Warner, etc). You need to grab the one that no one thinks of. This season that was Favre and Matt Schaub. While everyone was spending their first QB pick on Tom Brady, probably because he is so dreamy, the person who got Schaub later scooped up another position player. I'm not saying to grab Schaub with your first pick next year, especially since there is always a sleeper. My pick for next year is Joe Flacco. Call me Wacko for Flacco if you want. The guy is going to be an absolute beast next year, that is, as long as Derrick Mason doesn't retire again.

3) Late round running back WIN!

The past two years we have seen later round backs go absolutely crazy. As a Raven fan I am super happy that this year it was Ray Rice. Every year there is always one and I can't even pretend who next year's is going to be. The guy could get drafted this year. I only have been lucky enough one season when I drafted Adrian Peterson in his rookie season(in like the 10th round). It was the first and last time I was able to say that he was on my roster. You are sadly missed sir. However I did hit a homerun with a late round WR in Percy Harvin. So...there's that.

2) Hit the waiver wire early for sleepers

I can't say how many times I got on to my fantasy site on Tuesday afternoon to see a couple of people already active in picking up guys I wanted to scoop up for bye week fills or injury replacements. This year it killed me since I needed a TON of running back help with Slaton not doing much/getting hurt. Add to the fact that owners can start 3 in my leagues and anyone can see how I could have a problem. Also there are such things as making too many moves. Something I do a lot. My name is Brandan Spiegel and I am an over thinker when it comes to fantasy football. Where's the free coffee and baked goods?

Ladies and Gentleman, the number one thing I have learned about fantasy football is...

1) Play with people you are friends/enemies/or at least know

If there is one thing that The League (best comedy on FX...EVER) has taught us, it is that a tight knit group of buddies playing fantasy football is pretty awesome. It is like a family. A very, very dysfunctional family. One that you may call gay, retarded or threaten to kill on a weekly basis. One that you can threaten harm, deadly diseases or tragic ways to die on players who have scorned you that week. Now, losses in leagues of people that aren't known don't hurt less. It is a lot easier to get away from them when you lose to some schmo who has never met you. Saying all this there is only one other thing to say. A message to Alex Tirdil, Antoine Pollard, Brandon Waters, Michelle Landers, Bea Wells, Lauren Webster, John Moore, Marcel Cottman, and Nick Barnes...I hate you guys and I love you guys.

If you don't get it readers, you are missing out on quite a fantasy football group. Call them your best buddy, your girlfriend/boyfriend, spouse, significant other(or insignificant other once you guys play fantasy together, BAHZINGA), uncle, aunt, co-worker it doesn't matter. Once September starts, another part of you opens up. Even discussions about the league in June get you pumped up. "When is the draft?" "Who you pickin'?" "Dude you suck!" Oh yes, it begins when you set up the league. My readers, the fun never stops. It lasts a lifetime.

BIGS 2 is the Baseball Equivalent to NBA Jam

It's the top of the first inning as Nick Markakis steps up to bat at Fenway Park. Roberts is dancing off 2nd as Jon Lester rocks and fires. Markakis rips a double to bring Roberts in. The inning eventually ends with Orioles ahead by four. 45 minutes, 35 hits, and 10 homers later the game ends 30-4....in the Orioles favor.

This is what I mean by the title. A better analogy might be BIGS 2 is as to Adam Jones going 6 for 7 with 4 homers and 14 RBI (yes in one game and that is some kind of record) with Mortal Kombat is as to Kano ripping out your heart. If that doesn't shock you maybe Jeremy Guthrie throwing 115 mph cheese (with a power up) will. The point I am trying to make is that it is completely unbelievable. Jones robbing someone in dead center by jumping 6 feet above the wall and catching the ball between his legs...LEGENDARY(and totally believable).

For those who might say, "oh what is it on easy?" No, its not. It is only on medium, a level in which the Red Sox pounded me when I first tried the game out. I know I didn't get that good that fast. So all in all the outcomes are totally ridiculous but I honestly don't care. I dig the longball.

Speaking of the longball, they can also be pretty over the top. For example, during games you earn points based on your performance of the game (getting hits, making plays, striking people out). Once you have reached 100,000 points you can unleash "Big Blast" mode (just call it BEAST MODE) meaning if you connect (even if you are Cesar Izturis) you are going to hit a homer. However if you wait another 25,000 points you can use "Big Slam" mode(fatality, flawless victory) to attempt getting the bases cleared with a grand slam. No matter which mode you use the end result is simple, make contact and you will be destroying a part of the stadium. For example, my first experience with a "Big Blast" was with Luke Scott. There were two runners on and I was down so I figured it was time to activate beast mode. Well here comes a hanging curveball over the plate and goodbye. The ball leaves in a trail of flames heading for Eutaw...or wait no way, then it happened...BOOM WAREHOUSE and all the windows explode out of the building.

Pitching also has its equivalence to the above mentioned. Instead being called "Big Heat" mode where you can throw pitches 25 mph more or with more movement then usual. They can also be activated at the same time (Big Heat and Big Blast/Slam) which is known as "Duel" mode. Pretty self explanatory, pitcher throws harder/better and batter hits harder/better. Come out of this mode victorious and you are set up for yet another power up. One of the things that can also help to get these power ups is making amazing plays in the field.

If you have a player with legendary glove ability (Torii Hunter, Ichiro, Albert Pujols, the entire Red Sox squad[not kidding] to name a few) you can make what are called Legendary Catches(with mini games attached). In a high pitch voice my buddy Brandon was quoted as saying, "Legendaryyyyyy!" At least a few times. Imagine Dave Chappelle's version of Prince saying it to get just how high the pitch was. These catches result in 20,000 points towards a power up with regular great catches getting 10,000(just diving or jumping without a Legendary Catch mini game). The biggest negative about the catches is the announcers. Unfortunately its not anyone I am familiar with but whoever it is loves to wax poetic about Ozzie Smith. For example, I made a "Legendaryyyyy!," catch with Cesar Izturis. I'm expecting a Cal Ripken Jr. or Brooks Robinson reference and instead I get, "Do you see a man of tin? Cause I think I just saw a wizard." Until yesterday on every catch when he referenced a hall of famer he only referenced Ozzie. Then he made a reference about Dave Winfield. Its the only time he has referenced someone other then Ozzie. Well at least it was an outfield catch.

Speaking of catches/mini games the title also has 4 other mini game modes. Power hitting, contact hitting, glove work and running. To unlock each one you have to beat the main superstar in each category. Power has cover boy Prince Fielder, contact has Chipper Jones (was Ichiro too busy?), glove work has Jimmy Rollins (of all the shortstops in the league....really?) and running has Jose Reyes (maybe you will luck out and he will pull a hamstring). I have luckily unlocked all four and the running one is the weirdest and most interesting. You basically run through/around Wrigley through a course that has balance beams, hurdles, trash cans, building to building leaps and other obstacles that would make American Gladiators proud(minus actual gladiators..."ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!"). To avoid these obstacles I had to button mash, wave the Wii-mote or push the directional button to pick up speed and beat Reyes (or anyone else that you want to race). These games are in addition to season mode and Legend mode.

Once you have honed your skills in the above mentioned games, hop on over to season/legend mode. Season mode is pretty easy to explain. Take your favorite team and play through their entire schedule hoping to lead them to a title (go O's with only 1 loss...to the Yankees). It is Legend mode that you should probably start first. Create your player(whether you want to be selfish and make it a version of yourself, hey its cool that is what I did, or make some other version of someone) and you are now a major leaguer coming back from injury. Your player starts off in Mexico to get your swing back before being thrust back into the regular season. Once the 3 major tasks are completed (2 five inning games and beating the best Mexican teammate in the contact game) he can move up to the bigs. You pick your team(which is final...until they trade you but don't worry they resign you in the offseason) and finish out the season with whomever you choose. At your home park you play mini games to increase your skills/acquire skill points. The coolest part, other then this is what you need to play to unlock everything(stadiums, new uniforms, new homerun places, cool stuff for your player), is what happens in the individual team challenges. The games are only 5 innings and each team has 3 tasks to complete. Beat them in the first challenge, unlock teams other uniforms. Complete the second task and the reward varies. You will either get a skill point or unlock new things for your player. Beat them in the third challenge and you get to steal a player from that team. Also there is a trophy case that needs filling. While in on your path of destruction to becoming a legend you can earn trophies by performing tasks in the offseason or during your season they can be earned. Your player will need all the help he can get if he wants to defeat the hall of famers to gain votes for himself. Yes this is the goal in Legend mode, to get into the hall. On the bottom of the screen there is a vote counter that starts off 0/300. The only way to gain votes is to complete tasks at Cooperstown (defeat a team of Hall of Famers in a 5 inning game with other challenges attached to some[win by 2, get 3 hits, etc.]).

There are many positives and negatives to this game that I would like to point out, some of which have been mentioned. So here we go.

Positives

+ LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONGBALLS, lots of them

+ Balls so long that they can damage a part of the stadium...and your soul(the announcer helps in the soul part believe me)

+ The announcer does have some zingers ("that was a tailor made pitch but he didn't have the swing to fit" for example) Kinda like "He's heating up! He's on fire! Razzle Dazzle! Fancy Moves!" if you compare it to NBA Jam.

+ Power ups for individual superstars (For example no doubter homeruns, ability points for other players, bigger wheelhouse)

+ Legend mode, becoming a hall of famer is pretty sweet. Beating A-Rod (Roid) in a home run pinball match in Time Square (it must have been October since he choked and scored nothing) is also pretty sweet.

+ Mini games are pretty sweet with homerun pinball by far being the sweetest. How can destroying things in a public place with baseballs not be awesome? How I ask you, how?!?

+ Big blasts/slams/heat, all rule and you should bow before them all. Before they destroy you!

+ Use of the Wii's capabilities(actually have to swing remotes to pitch/hit/dive/be awesome)

+ Trades can be completely one sided through a mini game (like Kwame Brown for Pau Gasol)

PosiNEGs

+ the Orioles roster is awesome....minus the fact that Felix Pie is on it and Nolan Reimold isn't

+ legendary catches are great....and completely unbelievable(only when performed on me!)

+ Tim Lincecum while being a great pitcher doesn't deserve more legendary quality pitches then the hall of famers do.

+ Big blasts/slam mode (as long as you connect) maximizes run scoring...but it can make some games completely ridiculous since the computer doesn't always use it/use it right.

+ While I enjoy that my players are passionate about the game I do not require them to react to 90% of the outs like Joba Chamberlain (ie a fist pump or another form of taunting) What are you Tiger Woods at Augusta?!? NO! You just got an out in the 7th inning while you were up by 15. Relax Aubrey! Sorry, I digress.

Negatives

- Rosters are small, a lineup will consist of your 9 starters and 3 reserves, you only have a 3 man pitching rotation with 3 guys in the bullpen. Far short of a normal 25 man roster.

- For some reason every player is wearing glasses/goggles. Seriously half of of every team is wearing them, not very accurate.

- Only keeps track of a few major stats for hitting/pitching along with stats for big plays. Offensive stats that are followed are homers, average, RBIs, hits and stolen bases. Pitching stats that are kept are wins, losses, strikeouts and walks. These are not accurate as the game does allow for screw ups here and there (Rich Hill should totally have an L and for some reason he got a win...I mean I lost the game). It doesn't really keep fielding stats instead the game follows how many big plays you have performed with point totals, amount of legendary catches and the percentage of them that were successfully performed.

- Announcer does have some funny/quirky things that he says however when it comes to "Legendaryyyyyyy" catches he seems to reference Ozzie Smith 95% of the time.

- Perhaps the biggest problem I have is that I can't play online. Believe me I would totally be marketing this game to everyone I know if I could play them in any of the awesome mini games or an actual game.

So all in all the game is a success in my house. It is the reason I have been putting off posting this blog. I need a challenge, someone come over and take me on since there is no online challenge. Now if you will excuse me I have a ballpark I need to go demolish.