Five Things I Hate About the Denver Broncos

This has been a long time coming. I have had a lot of hate brewing all summer for all of our opponents this year and FINALLY...I get to let it all out. No player is safe, no city is safe and certainly all of their fans may get a little butt hurt. If so, I must be doing something right.

1) That moment you realize Peyton Manning has a familiar face...

Just so you aren't confused that is NOT Peyton Manning. That is a picture of Rocky Dennis from The Mask. In all honesty I spent hours doing research on massive foreheaded human beings and this was the best match. If Peyton went on Maury to prove that this was not his child, the lie detector would detect...THAT WAS A LIE! Seriously just look at that forehead and imagine a giant red splotch from a helmet plastered in the middle of it. Want a visual aide?

YOU CAN'T DENY IT!

2) The amount of "fans" the team got when they signed Manning.

If people want to start calling Seahawk fans bandwagoners slow down. Broncos were the biggest ones on the planet. First they were super crazed for Tebow, guy wins a playoff game, he's our guy. Holy hell! We got Manning? Tebow sucks, I love this team now. Friends of mine(not living in Colorado) switched over to liking them as soon as Manning signs, I mean come on GTFOHWTBS. This seems similar to when they won back to back Super Bowls. At least, that was a successful team in the big game. Not just free agency.

3) They cried like whiners when we had to open our season there the year after we won the Super Bowl.

Am I the only one who remembers the video of the reporter in Denver walking around and mocking the Flacco banners? How dare the NFL market the defending Super Bowl champion! They clearly forgot what that was like 20 years ago when they won in Denver. Thanks for choking, er I mean playing.

4) Biff from Back to the Future is their GM

Man does he hate Baltimore, let's hate him back...together. Some of you youngins don't remember or maybe just haven't Googled it before, this guy denounced Baltimore when we drafted him as the Colts. He threatened to go play baseball....for the Yankees. What a douche!

5) Their inability to wear appropriate garments in 0 degree temperatures

Seriously, what the hell is wrong with that guy? It's a whopping -2 degrees wind chill and this ass hat is wearing a barrel, a cowboy hat and winter gloves. The suspenders aren't even covering those nips which I can assure you are poised for cutting a million pieces of glass. Lowe's should sign this guy up to be in their glass booth in the local Denver locations for that exact job. I just caught a cold looking at this. I now need to get some Theraflu.

Man that feels better. Feel free to add to the list because there are many more reasons to hate the folks of Mile High. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go put some food in Peyton Manning's mama's dish. Good evenin'!