An Open Letter To the Fantasy Gods

Dear Fantasy Gods,

First of all, hello. How's life been treating you? Bet you guys are happy the NFL lockout ended. Me to. In other news, thanks for helping me get second place in my fantasy baseball league. That was great! Last to second place, very nice work.

However, this football season has been very unfair. First in one league you tell me that I have the best draft class. Then you smash my hopes in my survival league as I doubt the Redskins and pick the Giants. Really? You couldn't let Rex Grossman have one turnover in that game? I mean, I guess you made up for it the next week but come on. That isn't even the worst part.

Back to that whole "best draft class" thing. My Group of Flunkies has been exactly that. Three weeks into the season and they have only managed 179 total points. I know you guys know your math but that isnt even 60 points a week. Seriously?!? My highest scorer is Kevin Kolb. KEVIN, wait for it, KOLB! I have Vick, Desean Jackson, Chris Johnson, I mean surely one of them could have an awesome week! On a team with such potential my high scorers I haven't had one good week (until this week where I gave up on Vick - 33 points on my bench - and picked up Grossman - 7 points in my lineup - who was playing the Rams, epic fail. Needless to say, I'm down 26, my opponent is done and I have Addai playing tonight. I could have won.).

Of course I give up on my starters and start playing recent pickups who had good weeks last week, Nate Washington and Grossman against a poor opponent. I play Felix Jones who had a great week last week, on my bench, instead of Johnson and they reverse their production this week. I sit Ben Tate, since you allowed Arian Foster to get healthy, only to watch Foster own and Tate's value flush down the toilet. Also this week Tim Hightower becomes useless since Shanahan can't stick with one RB to handle the majority of the workload. Thanks a lot Shany, in the words of a pop culture icon, "I don't even know you and I hate yo guts." I just can't win, literally.

Also, why in the world do I have to face a QB who has a career week each week. This week, for example, I faced Aaron Rodgers and Cam Newton. I knew going in Rodgers was going to put up good numbers but, dramatic pause, really? He had to put up 53! In each league, occasionally in both, my opponents QB has at least 3 TDs or puts up 20+ points (Newton put up 33, respectively). It is honestly insane. Sure, Vick in week 1 posted good numbers (and this week on my bench as I said before) but he was terrible or injured in weeks 2 and 3. If it isn't their QBs blowing up its two players, as it was in week 1. When playing my uncle, Schaub scores 10. Lesean McCoy and the Bears D go off for 24 each and the only one on my team to produce is Vick.

Fantasy Gods I know you are very busy so I won't bore you with my fantasy football rage. At least for another week. However, if you don't let me win soon my head my explode. I have a wife and child. They don't need to see that. In closing, I hope you enjoy the gift basket that I sent you. It has cookies in the shape of little footballs. I know how much you love those.

One Love,
Brandan