Fantasy Player Hatas Ball

Welcome to my first annual Fantasy Player Hatas Ball. Where we hate hate hate hate hate! Is it too early to write about fantasy football? I say no however Brandon Waters says yes. On the weekends he stunt doubles for Little Richard in gay movies. Moving on, due to me sending out my league invites already I figure that it is finally time for some fantasy smack talk. So here are ten players(in no particular order) I will be avoiding like the plague.

Jay Cutler, QB Bitc....I mean Bears - I only rag him because well, he is a little girl if you threaten to trade him. Meaning you can't use him as trade bait because if no one bites he will demand a trade/underperform. That being said I would like to congratulate him on being traded to a team with one offensive weapon(unfortunately for Cutler its Matt Forte in the backfield) and their best WR has stone hands. If you are expecting similar numbers to last season you are insane UNLESS they sign Plaxic"OW MY LEG" Burress. Even then he would be a decent second option/last ditch effort if Derek Anderson is your only choice.

Braylon Edwards WR Browns - Okay I got this guy in the 2nd round last year and obviously completely regret it. It thrilled me when I was FINALLY able to cut him and replace him with Kevin Walters from the Texans. This guy had the potential for a fabulous season but, other then the Giant game, dropped all his points away. The fact that I am a Ravens fan probably adds to the hatred I have for him. So all those in my leagues by all means...draft him, you can TOTALLY have him.

Ladainian Tomlinson RB Chargers - While I love me some LT he just has been too injury prone lately. Tomlinson has carried this team for a lot of years and his body is starting to show that. Whatever campaign he wants to run to be in the first round of the draft is crazy. The Chargers wouldn't even do that, if they would have they wouldn't have franchised the pocket rocket Darren Sproles. The team belongs to Philip Rivers now and rightfully so after his pro bowl snubbing season a year ago. I am not saying he has no value, I am just saying he doesn't deserve to go early.

Chad Ochocinco WR Bengals - On any other team I would think he might have a decent season. Palmer will get him the ball if the line allows him to but their lack of a running game (their primary option is Cedric Benson) will have its effect on Chad. Will he burn the Ravens in Cincy this year? Probably, but I will take my chances with a solid number one like...oh I dunno...Houschmazoud, CHAMPIONSHIP

I am not slacking people, I can spell the name(and Google it to make sure) TJ Houschmandzadeh...CHAMPIONSHIP(if you are clueless then check this out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vs1N5NYyb24)

Willis McGahee RB Ravens - Even your head coach hates yo guts, in fact I don't even know you and I hate yo guts. Ray Rice is "looking like he could be an every down back," says Harbaugh and Le'Ron McClain, not only makes me want to use thousands of Die Hard references, but is automatic inside the 5. Should one of these guys get hurt he could be a decent option but he has to impress John Harbaugh throughout OTA's, training camp and preseason while not getting hurt. Good luck.

Willie Parker RB Steelers - Okay before you say I am biased to hate on a Steeler consider this, Parker has had a serious injury the past two seasons resulting in a lot of missed time (just ask Michelle). Even when Parker is playing he isn't really sniffing the end zone a whole lot. Unless you are in a league that highly benefits yardage then he isn't going to score you a whole bunch of points. Parker would be an okay pick up in the later rounds however most people(Michelle) will probably snag him early stupidly.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers Defense - This one is obvious, however I hate the fact that Derrick Brooks is gone and one of the most potent Ds a year ago is going to be pretty awful this year. There is a youth movement and their offense is relying on Byron Leftwich which just means the D will be on the field more. Well at least they have young legs to run all day.

Eli Manning QB Giants - Consider that Burress, Ward and Toomer are gone. Now consider whats left. He's Old Mother Hubbard and only rookies are in the cupboard. If Hixon learns to catch then maybe they have a chance. At least he still has Kevin Boss and Brandon Jacobs. He is the wrong Manning to have on your team, even Peyton couldn't save the Giants.

Brett Favre QB Old Timers NFL - Okay if me burning him before wasn't bad enough I will continue my Favre hatred. If you had him two years ago, good for you. If you were still playing him after week 12 last year, you lost your league and blame Brett Favre for ruining your fantasy life. Before your drafts occur you will know whether or not he will return and if he does do not expect a great season. His arm is sore, he's old and he only has one good weapon. Berrian is great for a deep ball saying he goes to the Vikings but he was either shutout or scored very low most weeks last season. So its all or nothing with anyone on the Vikings not named Adrian Peterson.

Antonio Bryant WR Buccaneers - Bryant edges out the Bills receivers who will want every pass thrown their way. T.O. and Lee Evans will probably still have a decent year, pick your poison though. Now, back to Bryant. Until they have a solid understanding of who their starting QB is then I don't see him having a fabulous season. Byron Leftwich will probably be the starter unless Josh Freeman amazes people in training camp. Consider Leftwich's previous experience with talented wideouts, only Jimmy Smith had okay numbers. They were nothing to drool over.

So consider yourselves hated upon. Take a chance if you want on them but don't come crying to me when they fail. However I am almost positive that if I'm wrong someone will have something to say. Now if you will excuse me I have to go put some water in Antoine's momma's dish, good evenin'.

Special thanks for some quotes from Chappelle's Show. I can't come up with all this genius alone.