Five Things I Hate About...the Oakland Raiders

Credit: NFL Memes

Man, it is really difficult to figure out five things to hate about this crap fest of a team. Two or three things sure, no problem. I mean, do I really "hate" the Raiders? Personally, I enjoy seeing this God awful, poor excuse of a football team on our schedule. Do I like seeing their name more than the Jags? No. However this was a battle within myself, considering I am like a jedi when it comes to hating things I think I can find a way.

1) Ruining draft picks since....forever

credit: Bleacher Report

I mean, no one is excited to get picked by this team. If I am 20-22 fresh off a college campus where I was considered an Adonis and now I am about to make millions for playing football, I wouldn't stop smiling. Then again, I'm not Amari Cooper (pictured above). Now it's early to say that he or Derek Carr have been ruined by this team. Their mantra of JUST WIN BABY! hasn't been too contagious on the likes of Jamarcus Russell or Darrius Heyward-Bey. They ruined a local guy from the University of Maryland! What douchebags! Their best pick of the last 15 years (other than possibly Khalil Mack, he still has time to be ruined to) is Sebastian Janikowski. Yeah....a kicker.

2) They think they have the greatest running backs of all time

As a kid of the 80s I am familiar with Tecmo Bowl. Those who aren't should study the video in which Bo Jackson is a straight up monster. There is no denying that if Bo knew how to have a healthy hip, I would have no leg to stand on. However, Bo Jackson of Tecmo Bowl fame is not walking through that door. I think what pisses me off the most about this is Barry Sanders(who was my guy back then) was in the same damn game and he couldn't do what Bo could do.

Yes yes, you had Marcus Allen, he's a hall of famer blah blah. I don't care. He's not in the top 10 rushing leaders of all time and within a few years he may not even be in the top 20. Hell if Frank Gore has a 1,000 yard season this year he will damn near pass him.

3) Craziest looking fans...ever

I mean, when we go to a game we are going to see some characters. All of us in Raven nation more than likely know who Captain Deeeeeeeefense is. Nothing, I mean nothing is crazier than what I have seen in the black hole. Yes I am aware how that sounds. No I am not going to change it! I have seen cross dressers, face paint, feathery boas, spikes coming out of football pads, skulls, crazy head gear and so much more. Why the hell are you doing it folks? You're team is like the Baltimore Orioles, except eventually they stopped losing. The Raiders have been terrible for 13 years running. Their last good season was 2002, the year they lost to the Bucs in the Super Bowl. Ever since, the best year they have had was a 8-8 record, twice. Just win baby my ass! I will say, I have been to some crazy places in Ravens gear, I don't know if the black hole is where I want to go...ever. I have a family to think about. Stabbity stabbity.

4) They are still letting Charles Woodson play?

Jesus, isn't that guy damn near 40? I swore to God he retired and while researching the team I realized, that was false. He's one of like 3 Raiders that might get my Tecmo Bowl reference that aren't on the coaching staff. Actually I guess he's not playing, he dislocated his shoulder. Well I guess it's time for him to pull a "Riggs" and fix that. YET ANOTHER REFERENCE HE WOULD GET CAUSE HE IS SO OLD!

 

5) Their fans are worse than Cowboys fans

I mean so many memes to depict this, so little time. Everyone knows that one fan who talks about the old days of John Madden, Fred Biletnikoff and Kenny Stabler. All the greats of Raider land. Sure you had some good years, almost 40 years ago! You're last Super Bowl win? 1983. A great year for me and you. I was born with years of success ahead of me. You're team won and now/forever...Raiders STILL suck. No matter where they are from. They are awful. So before you put on your murderous hello kitty like face paint remember, you're team is bad and you should feel bad.

So there you have it kiddos. Is it pretty? No, but neither are the Raiders (or their fans). Hopefully our boys in purple don't play down to this team cause it will not only make them look bad, it will make me look bad. DO IT FOR ME BOYS! Until we hate again...